A problem only Jesus could solve
Me and my gf have been dating for 3 years now and it’s complicated cause we used to have a lot of sex and don’t now because of a Christan thing. But it’s hard cause we’re 18 and she doesn’t wanna have sex till marriage and if that’s the case then it wouldn’t be until were financially set because she wants a expensive wedding. but I’m the only one struggling cause I’m a man. I’ve done research and when a woman denies a man sex it does a lot of negative things to him. But it’s also a double edge sword cause we’re Christan so we I shouldn’t even be doing any of that. Then on top of that I’ve been trying to hang out with her but she’s been so busy and I ALWAYS have to make plans or they just will never happen. I’m so drained. Maybe I think sex is everything because it’s what I never had. And maybe I just don’t always wanna make plans. I want to feel desired and love
I’m gonna list the paragraphs between us. It covers basically everything. PLEASE LET ME KNOW SOMETHING I JUST DONT KNOW
Paragraph GF sent :
“In the beginning of our relationship when we were doing it multiple times or every time I came over it was too much. It was out of love but also a lot of lust, doing it every time or back to back just because we wanted too and after we had stopped for a little bit I remembered that and that’s when I wanted to stop as well, I realized that we were giving in too much and not spending time with each other and we always had to do that and it wasn’t a one person thing it was both of us. I know you don’t understand how I feel about it and how I could want to stop because you don’t feel like that but it takes a toll on me. For the months we didn’t do it I didn’t even get to enjoy being with you because you were always mad that we weren’t having sex and you didn’t understand, and you didn’t have to understand you were just supposed to be there and love me not make me feel like a horrible person and like you didn’t love me because we didn’t have sex. For all of those months you were always angry and it felt like without sex our relationship was nothing to you. When you first asked to stop I didn’t understand and I cried but I never made you try and go back on your decision or make you feel bad or degrade you like you did for months to me. You’ve made our whole relationship feel like it’s centered around this, you’ve told me how I make our relationship boring and if we’re not gonna have sex then what the point of me coming on vacation with you or coming over to your house. It feels like that’s all you care about. And even when talking about marriage you just mention how you’re worried we’re not going to have sex all the time, not being with me or being married to me. And you shouldn’t have to beg too and I’m sorry about that but if your having to try and convince me than maybe I am trying not to have sex or I’m trying to hold myself back and enjoy time with you. It’s not that I don’t want to have sex with you but it’s bigger than that and your not understanding because of how it used to be but I don’t want to go back to how it was I want to have a genuine connection with you and spend time together without sex. Sex has become so much to us and to you that I’m missing you when your not with me and your just waiting for me to come over and have sex, maybe that’s not how it is but that’s how you’ve made it feel. I broke down in your room because I genuinely thought that by not having sex you were going to break up with me, I shouldn’t have felt like that and I finally told you how I was feeling and I thought that, that was going to be it, I was honest and vulnerable and I felt like you understood what I was saying and then after a little bit you completely forgot about it and went back to getting mad at me. And after a while all I could think about was having sex with you and I gave in again and I shouldn’t have because then it put us back where we were. I miss you every time I’m not with you but I don’t feel like we miss each other the same. You’ve said to me before that we didn’t have to do it every time I came over after we talked and then every time I came over and we didn’t do it when I went to leave you would be mad at me. I know my parents have made me miss a lot of opportunities of going on trips with you and I’m upset about that too I want to spend time with you and go on vacation with you and I do care that I wasn’t aloud to go to sc with you and I still argue with my parents about it I just haven’t been telling you when we argue because then you’ll be even more made at my parents and I don’t want that. I want to hang out with you as much as I can. I know I have to work too and every day I’m not working my moms asking if I’m picking up a shift or if I’m hanging out with you and picking up a shift later in the day because I don’t have anything saved and I’m trying so hard too but I want to see you as well. I changed my schedule so I can see you more and I’m not working with week so I can see you and I’ve already asked my parents if you can come on the boat Friday but I didn’t want to tell you and then they say it’s just a family day. My mom invited you to come to our aunts sister in laws house we always go to go forth of July last night and I forgot to tell you. But I am trying to see you as much as I can and all I do is miss you and then when I see you it dosent feel like enough. I am trying to balance so much and make time for you and sorry that I haven’t made enough time but I am trying there’s never a time I’m not. I love you so much and I’m so so sorry that you haven’t been feeling loved and I promise I am fixing it, I have been. You’re not only my boyfriend but also my best friend and the person I come to for everything. Please read this and take your time to respond or we can call later tonight or if I’m not out later with my sister I’ll come over to talk. I know you like to be left alone for a while so I won’t rush a response but I do love you and I want you to feel loved and understood and I also want you to understand me. I love you
What I sent:
“I understand where you coming from but you never want to have sex with me. I always initiate it because if I don’t then it will never happen and I don’t understand how you’re fine with never doing it. You speak about love like sex isn’t within love. I understood how I made this relationship feel like it’s all about sex but can you see how not having sex has impacted me? Your just looking at it on how it’s impacted you but you’ve never asked me has it’s impacted me because you never gave me a choice. It was always “ we’re going to stop having sex because I said so”. I’ve never heard of a couple that didn’t have sex so I’m just so confused on how it’s a bad thing. I can understand to much of it and not hanging out but I don’t understand the complete absence of sex. And ifs it’s the Christan thing most Christian’s get married with 1-2 years of dating. We’ve been dating for 3. Bryce ( the guy on tik tok ) got married after only dating for 2 years at the age of 22. And we can’t get married that young because weddings are expensive so how are you fine without having sex. It’s human nature. Your saying that I make it seem like we always have to have sex but we won’t have sex for months, so therefore should we have sex again? Idk what sex is to you. You make it seem like it’s just a chore when it’s something couples are supposed to enjoy . Idk why you hate it so much. I mean you can look it up on google what rejecting you man sex does to him. Maybe we just have different hormones but I still don’t understand why u hate it . You always said I get mad at you and I do. Ever since the beginning of the relationship I have been denied by you so many things. I’ve constantly been rejected for years about having sex, sex is what everyone in the world is doing. You always say that “ it’s not that I don’t wanna have sex with you “ but when have you ever in 3 years ever said that you wanted to have sex with me .”
Yeah guys so idk. I understand what she means but I also understand what I mean I just don’t understand how she’s fine without doing it. Like she could genuinely never do it again. And every man wants a partner that desires them and makes them feel confident. But idk.