What are some girl/woman things I can do to explore myself more.
For context im 30amab. I would consider myself nonbinary or agender at this time. Ive been Questioning for the past 5 or 6 years. When i was younger i would tell my friends im more girl than guy alot but didn't fully understand or think of transness at the time. Ive tried hrt on and off but usually stop due to not wanting to have to defend myself or explain myself (which i know i dont have to) to my work or family.
Im currently about to pick up a prescription for micro dosing estrogen today. And waiting for planned parenthood to get back to me with a special therapist.
So like, I dont wear fem clothes because im self conscious about how my body looks, im heavier, facial hair, balding.... I typically just feel like myself and dont act feminine which also makes me question myself.
Ive tried asking a cis friend on some girly things to do but didn't really get a response.
What are some things I can try out? What are red flags that I shouldn't be trying hrt?
When i take hrt, I feel calmer, happier, I love my skin changes so much, i feel like i actually have sometbing to look forward too.
Then I think of breast growth and how once that happens I cant hide it, i think of dressing fem (honestly like if I was to just dress fem like I am now) and how I would like like a guy pretending to be a girl and how people would be uncomfortable around me. I think of my changes while at work and eith my family and I get panicked and sad and stop.
Then my body starts growing hair again, my balding gets worse, I begin to just hate my reflection and get miserable and dull and just start eating a bunch of crab food and not taking care of self.
I dont actually try to do anything I think would justify my gender its mostly caught up in how I see myself in the mirror I guess....idk I started rambling....part of me feels like im just an imposter and saying all this makes me a total POS and I wanna go and hide from everyone but...i also want to have valid and honest feed back so im gonna post this and go hide now....