r/NonBinaryOver30

33yo gay male

Looking into getting an orchiectomy and scrotectomy. I wish to just keep my penis but not have balls and be on some sort of TRT. I still want to be masc presenting.

Does this make me non binary?

Hey folks, I'm a 45 year old enby that was shoved into the female box at birth and never really questioned my gender despite not feeling fully at home with societal expectations and my own internal experience of girl and womanhood. I had been questioning for a couple of years once I found understanding and language to do so - I live in a pretty conservative province, have very little irl queer community and my family is quite conservative - and then started coming out explicitly last year. I also started identifying as queer, both socio politically and in sexuality, in the last couple of years - after feeling like I wasn't queer enough to be claiming it as an identity.

My coming out was and has been messy by my own standards. I hadn't had regular access to a therapist for awhile and only realized in hindsight that the support of one may have been helpful in the coming out process. I started by updating my pronouns on social media, initially using she/they pronouns, and after several months started finding that I was cringing outside and inside being referred to as she or her and updated my pronouns to they/them. I notice how I experience gender fluctuates, and sometimes I don't connect with gender at all. I am giving myself time and space to continue questioning and allowing myself to change and feel uncertain - which feels to me like a natural part of the questioning process.

And lately I've been feeling ashamed wondering if I made the right choice to come out. I was brought up religious which plays a part. I also feel what is often referred to as imposter syndrome, shaming myself and accusing myself of being a phony because I didn't realize that I'm enby sooner. And the part that really hurts, is that friends I've come out to are misgendering me and it's ongoing. It feels silly to be concerned about being misgendered considering what's happening in the world from climate collapse to multiple genocides but I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt, and doesn't affect the way that I see myself. I look and act in ways that are perceived as feminine and sharing pronouns and using they/them pronouns doesn't seem to be very common. It's getting to me, and I'm trying not to let it, but I only opened up to very few people when I started questioning and it's pretty clear to me that people who have known me for a long time think using they and them as pronouns is inconvenient at best and ridiculous at worst.

The bigger issue is feeling like being open about a way in which I'm coming to a new understanding about myself that I should be enjoying is being treated so carelessly by others, so I'm feeling a lot of shame and anxiety instead. Homophobia and transphobia are rampant where I live, and discovering that folks who claim to be progressive draw the line at using they or them as pronouns has been disheartening to say the least. I get that they haven't known me to not identify as she/her, but if they were truly supportive wouldn't it be pretty simple to use the pronouns I want?

TLDR, how do you not let it get to you that people who are supposed to be your friends and family are purposely misgendering you? And please be gentle, I'm really going through a lot right now emotionally in a variety of ways and as much as I wish I could let unsupportive comments roll off my back, they will only add to my pain. Thank you.

A little medical background: I‘m 32yo and AFAB (also english isn’t my first language so please be kind) but when I was very young there were complications with the development of my primary sex organs because the testosterone levels in my body were to high. (I‘m lowkey really freestyling this information because my mum told me this like 20 years ago and I don’t want to ask her again because I want to avoid her questioning me before I‘m ready to talk about it.) The higher testosterone levels continued into puberty and since my mother told me that information I was always prone to overcompensate and be as feminine as possible. I was scared to be „too manly“ and not being girly enough. This continued in my relationships with men because I was like „yeah I‘m a ‚normal‘ woman in a normal heterosexual relationship“. I also realized I‘m bisexual years ago but that‘s another story.

The thing is: since I broke up with my last bf in 2022 I haven‘t been dating anyone so I didn’t have to „force“ myself into any role. I discovered that I actually like presenting more androgynous and cutting my hair from very long to bob and then to a mullet and shorter really made me giggle and kick my feet haha. I still like presenting more feminine and still like to use makeup when I feel like it. Oh another thing: since I was 16 yo and the whole being referred to as mrs started to become a thing I always thought it sounded and felt super weird but I thought it was because I didn’t want to grow up and stay a teenager a little longer. German is also a VERY gendered language so you really can’t escape it haha. I got diagnosed with adhd at 28yo and autism at 30yo and when I thought back I thought it was because autistic people struggle with change. But if I‘m being honest 16 years later and i still feel strange to be referred to as feminine and I don’t think that’s normal? Thinking about it I would like to be referred to as male even less so I don‘t think I‘m a trans male. Yesterday an old lady at a metro station wanted to address me in 3rd person but didn’t really know what to use, stopped and then just went with „you“ and tbh it gave me the best feeling ever. I also know it‘s very common for nd people to not think in labels and question their own sexuality and gender. And probably asking myself if I might be non binary already answers the question. I just don’t really have a lot of people to talk about this with.

Maybe some non binary folks could comment how they knew? Thank you all in advance!

For those of you who use multiple pronouns, they/them, or neopronouns, who do you find are best at respecting your pronouns, and who do you find is the worst?

For me, people in my personal life are tremendous about it, people I work with in my union and other activist organizing spaces are really good about it, and almost 0% of people at my job ever use my pronouns, despite the fact that they've been in my email signature since I started 4 years ago and I frequently wear pronoun pins.

Hey y’all I have been lurking here awhile. I just turned 48, and started testosterone May 2024. So I was already in perimenopausal range. I didn’t like the direction testo was taking me, felt disconnected from my own face and body, so I halved the amount from two pumps of 1.62% gel to one pump, about 6 months ago.
So many things are happening. 😵‍💫
I needed birth control, so I started the nuvaring about 3 months ago.
I felt like shit -fatigue and brain fog and low mood and sex issues - so I figured my hormones were a mess. I went to a menopause specialist NP locally, and she seemed to be knowledgeable of gender affirming practices and goals, and included that discussion in with the hormone optimization discussion. She did a full blood test and started me on an estrogen patch and daily progesterone. It did make me feel better, I think.
However, there are things that make me nervous. The pharmacy questioned that I was on nuvaring AND estrogen/prog, and when I looked that up it’s not recommended. Also, what’s going to happen by taking low dose T AND estrogen/prog?? That seems ….weird and counterproductive. My testo level was 161. SHBG was elevated. Ferritin low. Estrogen and prog low. God it all sucks.

I want to be able to choose what I keep of my trans journey there and back again. 😅 Some bit of androgyny and the amazing muscle mass, especially. But I know that’s not possible. Is it?? Is low dose T plus menopause-supporting HRT plus hormone-birth-control at all going to work? Am I fucking up my body completely?
I live in a small conservative town in Virginia and know that the medical care I’m getting here is probably miles below what other places are. I just want a medical provider who can guide me in this safely and who will be conscious of my gender kerfuffle.
😭