u/Elothem78

Hey y’all I have been lurking here awhile. I just turned 48, and started testosterone May 2024. So I was already in perimenopausal range. I didn’t like the direction testo was taking me, felt disconnected from my own face and body, so I halved the amount from two pumps of 1.62% gel to one pump, about 6 months ago.
So many things are happening. 😵‍💫
I needed birth control, so I started the nuvaring about 3 months ago.
I felt like shit -fatigue and brain fog and low mood and sex issues - so I figured my hormones were a mess. I went to a menopause specialist NP locally, and she seemed to be knowledgeable of gender affirming practices and goals, and included that discussion in with the hormone optimization discussion. She did a full blood test and started me on an estrogen patch and daily progesterone. It did make me feel better, I think.
However, there are things that make me nervous. The pharmacy questioned that I was on nuvaring AND estrogen/prog, and when I looked that up it’s not recommended. Also, what’s going to happen by taking low dose T AND estrogen/prog?? That seems ….weird and counterproductive. My testo level was 161. SHBG was elevated. Ferritin low. Estrogen and prog low. God it all sucks.

I want to be able to choose what I keep of my trans journey there and back again. 😅 Some bit of androgyny and the amazing muscle mass, especially. But I know that’s not possible. Is it?? Is low dose T plus menopause-supporting HRT plus hormone-birth-control at all going to work? Am I fucking up my body completely?
I live in a small conservative town in Virginia and know that the medical care I’m getting here is probably miles below what other places are. I just want a medical provider who can guide me in this safely and who will be conscious of my gender kerfuffle.
😭

I’ve been stuck. I was in an abusive marriage for 20 years. I have a separation agreement we did through mediation. I didn’t want to do mediation but I simply did not have the $5,000 that every lawyer I spoke to wanted upfront. I don’t have that. I stayed at home with my kids for 10 years, raising them and homeschooling them through covid. I started working odd jobs and saving tiny amounts at the end, and even now I’m still not self sufficient. I depend on the money my ex gives in child support to pay the mortgage on the house we both own. I am responsible for the care of the kids 80% of the time. I need to file for divorce and I don’t even know what to do. I paid $400 to a lawyer for an hour consult and she basically told me the separation agreement was not good and didn’t serve me well (and therefore not the kids either). She told me I had wasted hundreds of dollars using Virginia Online Divorce to manufacture forms that were basically the same as the separation agreement. I don’t know why I thought it would be different…..to get any more help with her I have to sign and pay $5,000 upfront. How do single mothers who’ve stayed home with their children get divorced? Please help.

I just joined this group and am looking for other groups/info/support sources. My partner of one year has had Crohn’s since childhood. He’s had a colostomy (since long before we met). I am constantly learning new and different ways that this disease impacts him and how he feels. I don’t want him to have the added burden of educating me, he is very gracious about answering questions, but I’m really clueless as he’s the first person I’ve been close to who had this so I have no prior experience. I would like to be more proactive. I make sure that I am supportive of what he needs in the moment, like understanding if he has to cancel plans at the last minute due to physical discomfort. But I think that if I was more educated I would be able to have a better picture of what’s happening and not feel like I’m “learning on the fly”. Knowing better what to expect would also help me in dealing with my own feelings and expectations. We are both single parents from the 1900s 😅 so we are not young and our lives are already complex. I’d love to know some books, groups, best advice, etc that anyone wants to throw at me as someone who loves a person with Crohn’s. I really love him a lot.