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Okay, the obvious answer is: by trying things, gaining experience, and figuring out what you like and don’t like. But I’m especially interested in the period before you knew for sure.

What were the first signs that made you suspect you were bottom? Were there situations where you noticed that you were much more attracted to the idea of letting the other person take the lead, or that you simply didn’t have much interest in being the top partner?

And for those of you who realized it fairly early on: what did you actually feel during your first sexual experiences? For example, did you find yourself mentally turned on but not particularly interested in certain activities, or did you gradually discover that you enjoyed receiving attention much more than giving it?

I’m also curious whether there was a specific moment when you thought, “Okay, this is probably just my preference,” or whether it was something that became clear gradually through different experiences.

Basically: what were the signs that made you realize you were bottom, even before you had a clear definition of your sexuality?

Curious to hear from people who figured it out right away as well as those who took years to realize it.

I'm creating a character who is a young gay prince in the Middle Ages (with some Greco-Roman elements) and who gradually discovers his attraction to men. He accepts that he is gay fairly quickly, but has a much harder time accepting that he might be a bottom.

As a prince, he was raised to believe that his social status and position are incompatible with being perceived as sexually submissive. I'd like to explore this conflict in a realistic way, without relying on the usual clichés surrounding gay characters and sexual roles.

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​Hi everyone! I’m working on the psychological and relational development of one of the main characters in my medieval fantasy story: the Prince (14–15 years old). I’d love to get your thoughts on his character arc as a young gay guy realizing his sexuality within a deeply patriarchal, feudal, and martial society.

Character Context:

The Prince grows up in the shadow of his older brother, who embodies the ideal of warlike masculinity in their kingdom. For years, the Prince doesn't develop his own desires; he simply imitates masculinity—observing how men talk about women and even choosing girls to court based on his brother's tastes. His main internal drive is the deep-seated terror of being seen as "less of a man" or weak.

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The Progression of His Arc:

​Shimmering Admiration/Attraction: At first, he pays excessive attention to the bodies of older warriors during training, convincing himself he merely wants to "emulate" their physical strength and charisma.

​Emotional Falling-in-Love: He develops a strong romantic attachment and jealousy toward a specific young man, falling into deep confusion that he constantly tries to rationalize. This relationship remains unresolved—the Prince never consumes it physically nor confesses his feelings; it simply serves as his first true, unspoken "gay awakening."

​First Step with a Peer: An older, more experienced friend of similar social status takes advantage of an ambiguous, vulnerable moment, giving the Prince a handjob while he is heavily intoxicated. The Prince experiences intense physical pleasure, but he is immediately overwhelmed by panic at losing control. Although the older friend attempts to push for a deeper emotional and physical connection, the Prince shuts him down completely—terrified of emotional intimacy and the danger of appearing vulnerable to an equal.

​Refuge in Rank & Hidden Receptivity: To manage his fear, he turns to someone who can neither judge nor refuse him: a bastard page. He uses his royal authority to command him, rationalizing it under the pretext of a "southern court custom"—the practice of keeping a "bed-warmer" (a male concubine) to satisfy physical needs and avoid the risk of siring bastard children. At this stage, the Prince limits their encounters strictly to handjobs and superficial physical touch, maintaining a facade of dominance. However, he secretly yields control—even in these small acts—laying the groundwork for a receptive (bottom) nature he is not yet fully conscious of.

​The Power Short-Circuit: When the page attempts to assert dominance over him and flip the hierarchy, the Prince reacts with violence and panic. The terrifying thought of being dominated by a social inferior forces him to brutally reassert his royal rank.

Purchasing the Slave: To ensure total control, he later purchases a fragile slave (both 15/16 y). The slave has blonde hair—just like the Prince’s "perfect" older brother. Dominating this boy becomes an unconscious way to break his own inferiority complex toward his brother. Right from the start, however, this dynamic is mixed with a strange need for comfort: the Prince performs small acts of care toward the boy and uses his quiet presence as a shield against his own loneliness. The real breaking point comes when the Prince asks the slave if he actually enjoys what they do together, and the boy gives a swift, submissive "yes." In that moment, the Prince realizes the answer is just a rehearsed lie to survive, making him confront how absolute control destroys any chance of a genuine connection.

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Where I Want the Story to Go (And Where I Need Your Help):

​From this point on, I want a slow, realistic progression toward self-acceptance and emotional surrender, set during the ongoing civil war:

1. ​Realizing his true sexuality & creating his own harem: The Prince needs to stop lying to himself about using "bed-warmers" purely for physical relief, fully accepting that he is exclusively attracted to men. In this world, many lords keep harems—though they typically consist entirely of women, never men. However, because the Prince is so young, having a group of male "bed-warmers" is tolerated under political, military, or personal pretexts. Over time, he surrounds himself with a personal, semi-secret harem of male companions and guardians.

2. ​Gradually yielding control: Eventually, I want him to comfortably step into his receptive (bottom) role—not through force or coercion, but by choice. He needs to find the right man (not a frightened slave, nor a power-hungry page) with whom he feels safe enough to drop his royal armor, give up control, and let himself be dominated in bed.

My Questions for You:

1. ​How can I write this transition so it feels slow, earned, and psychologically believable for a 15–16-year-old prince in the middle of a civil war?

2. ​How would a young gay prince realistically act and react sexually/emotionally as he moves from dominating slaves to building an all-male harem, and finally trusting one specific man?

3. ​What kind of dynamic or character archetype would work best for the man who finally earns the Prince's trust enough to lead in bed?

4. ​How can the background tension of the civil war (and the pressure from his father and hyper-masculine brother) organically drive this psychological transformation?

​I’d love to hear your ideas, advice, or suggestions!

* All of this psychological and relational evolution unfolds against the backdrop of a brutal civil war fought between the King and his younger brother (who is the father of both our Prince and his "perfect," hyper-masculine older brother)