u/Usual-Pollution9789

Hi, thank you for reading :)!

So I’m going into my junior year of college, and I also have been almost entirely sober this summer for mostly physical health reasons (trying to lose the freshman 15 still 💔💔) and I also upped my ADHD meds and started anti-depressants.

I’ve also been on a big mental high of motivation, mental clarity, and a huge increase of enjoyment in my daily life. I love my hobbies again! Hell, I’m actually DOING my hobbies again! I can’t explain how amazing I was feeling last week about my life. I have a history of depression and anxiety and generally having low energy throughout my day, and it felt like those were finally going away throughout my summer.

I honestly couldn’t pinpoint why I had felt terrible during the school year or went through extreme moods when I should’ve been feeling fine. I thought the reason I was improving so much was due to my meds + working out a lot.

But then last weekend, I drank for the first time since the end of last semester. Literally half a glass of wine one night, half a twisted tea and a shot of vodka the next. Didn’t even get drunk or tipsy, barely buzzed.

The following days since then I have felt like shit. My cognition has been terrible, I’ve been super low motivated, and I’ve been so exhausted that I spent most of the last two days in bed. It’s now that I’m realizing that this has been the cause of similar episodes throughout my time in college.

I’ve really enjoyed “night out” memories with my friends. They’re some of my fondest memories in college. Times when I’m inebriated and care free and happy hanging out with people I love. It doesn’t cause it every time, but I’m now seeing the patterns of my mental state corresponding to time when I drank heavily.

My mental health journey has been really hard, and I’ve made a lot of progress through therapy and medication assisting me. But I’m now realizing that I could have huge benefits by going sober. Like a weight is lifted off my chest at the idea.

The issue is a lot of my social activities for the clubs I’m in include drinking. My closest group of friends joke about being alcoholics. I’m also scared of missing out on “key college memories” by being sober.

I need advice: do I abstain completely, or sacrifice a few weeks during the year to the effects alcohol has on me for the “key moments” for drinking? Like Halloween, silly week, etc? How do I stay social while prioritizing my mental well being? How do I explain it to people without sounding pretentious?

The other night me (20f) and my (all-white, 19-20 y/o) friends were hanging out and we eventually started asking each other questions. Think “what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done” or “what’s the youngest/oldest age you’d get married.”

These eventually led to deeper political/moral/religious questions, and I gradually realized that I am almost entirely differently aligned than most of the group.

I’m a staunch atheist, feminist, and leftist. However, I was also raised by two wonderful parents who are conservative and deeply religious. I know my parents are good people in a lot of ways, and our conversations throughout my life showed me that I can’t write people off due to labels as complex and as varied as “liberal” or “conservative.”

This is why I became friends with these people in the first place. There is a large range of opinions in the group, with me at one extreme and people at the other and a bunch of people sprinkled in between. Up until now, I thought our conversations about politics and religion were genuinely about all of us can learn from each other.

I, as a joke because I didn’t expect her to say yes, as my friend “have you ever said the n-word” and she said yes. That she last said it last week. That “yeah, but the joke warranted it.” The group discussed it and they came to the consensus that “if a slur isn’t said to the person it’s against, or if it isn’t said with the intent to harm, then it shouldn’t matter.”

The past few days I’ve been trying to decide if all of that makes them bad people, and if I should stay friends with them. Initially my thought was “yes of course, she says the n-word and they all didn’t think it was bad and if I’m friends with them that makes me bad” but now I’m confused.

I thought that being in this friend group was good for me, because I’m interacting with people who disagree with me, and that’s better for everyone. But am I friends with bad people? Is my presence in the group actually beneficial? Are there opinions too far for my perspective of “you need to interact with people who disagree with you for their and your benefit” to matter?

I’m perfectly fine if people say I am being a bad person if I stay in the friend group, or even for considering it. I really am trying to figure out if I’m doing more harm or good to myself and the world to a point with this “have an open mind” approach to friends.