Navigating the grief
My childhood best friend and sister in law both had their babies this week. The week I was supposed to have my baby. With my three best childhood friends and sister in law. Our babies were supposed to walk behind our houses to the other. I had daycare lined up. And now it’s been nine months, and I’m still not pregnant, and I feel like a different person, and it is so lonely. I know I’m luckier than most, but I feel so fundamentally altered by grief after experiencing this ectopic and then a miscarriage in march. I try so hard to focus on all the beauty and joy around me, but I’m also so tired of crying when I get home after squeezing all of my friends babies, attending babies birthdays, and being told of more and more friends getting pregnant (though I also love baby hugs). How do we get through this? How do I move through it without losing all of myself? How do I still experience joy even though life feels so dang hard? How do I regain my hope that everything will be alright? I’ve been lucky to have not experienced a grief like this and boy does it change you.