How do I handle this situation?
I’m 25M and my wife is 25F
A situation happened when we were doing a grocery run. She was pushing the cart and i was grabbing and looking for flour but there’s different brands of flour so i kept moving paces. She then stood next to me with the cart and I grabbed flour from the bottom shelf and when i looked up to her, i accidentally glanced at the woman behind her.
I immediately said sorry to my wife because i glanced and i only did for not more than a second because we have had this issue before. This was an issue we talked about already. My wife said I looked at the woman’s ass right in front of her, I told my wife it was line of sight and I was squatting from picking an item at the bottom shelf and upon looking at my wife, the woman was behind her and that caused me to glance.
I didn’t glance/look because I was interested or attracted, I don’t know the reason why I glanced but it’s definitely not because I was checking her up or I’m lusting over another woman.
The reason I’m sharing this is because my wife’s past experiences were rough. She was surrounded with MEN who were unfaithful and cheaters. Even her previous one was like that and so I had to step up. I know I’m not a cheater but I didn’t know my boundaries back then, I used to have conversations with other people before I met my partner and even during the first stage of our relationship that were ‘too friendly’ and we talked about it as that concerns her + she has trust issues due to her pasts. I have been trying to correct everything and doing my best to make her feel safe and trust me fully but with things like the situation that happened, it was a difficult situation.
Can someone tell me how to improve or give me an advice, tell me what I did wrong and how to fix it.
I told her even before that whenever I’m outside, I like to observe everything. When we’re out just walking I look at the street, I look at the stores, I look at people and with this, I mean all people and not just women.
I look at men as well but when I look at women, there’s a problem and I understand her. I understand her because of her past traumas. It’s just difficult when I glance at someone and I quickly realized that “oh shit its a woman” and I look away instantly and still I get my wife upset and angry.
The thing I would like to add is that I’ve done things that upset her before. I would say it piled up and that cause her to have more trouble trusting me.
- I told her before that I am not close with my co workers let alone women co workers, but she’s seen how I talk with my previous co workers on my past messages with them. The thing with this is that I lied to her.
- I said stuff that I know myself that I did in my past and the reason for lying was because I wanted to start new with her. I don’t get comfy with female co workers or talk to them ever since I met my partner and that’s because she’s not comfortable with me being close to other women.
- A very recent issue was that I got transferred to a new branch and I checked my co workers and one of them was someone familiar that my brother and friend mentioned before. So I checked her profile to confirm mutuals and me checking her profile became an issue and caused a fight with me and my wife.
- That fight was not because I checked other people’s profile. The fight caused because I lied my way when she found out I checked someone else’s profile. The fight was mainly because I lied and the fact that I lied was what hurt her even more, considering her past traumas.
What do I do?