u/Veeessvee

Hi,

I'm 49F. Just finished the first book in my epic fantasy trilogy and have started to outline the second.

I'm an English speaker who lives in rural France. I rarely meet other English speakers and even fewer reader and writers of fantasy. Most people here read literary, mystery or romance.

Writing is lonely work and while I enjoy the writing process I'd like to share work, critiques, worldbuilding ideas, craft ideas, or just catch up on writing life and woes with other writers. I'm essentially looking at a positive support group. People being there for each other.

I don't really care about your age, but I'd prefer interacting with writers who write fantasy and Sci-fi. I'm not into anything grim dark or horror. But I do love mysteries, thrillers, romance and literary fiction as long as violence and toxicity are not the driving forces of the story.

If this seems like something you'd like, please do dm me. I'd love to catch up :)

HERALD OF ASHES is a 116,000-word epic fantasy with series potential. It will appeal to readers of M. L. Wang's Blood Over Bright Haven and Antonia Hodgson's The Raven Scholar for its whip-smart protagonist, whose need to belong blinds her to the duplicitous nature of the institution that finally recognises her intelligence.

Tomorrow, Kal hopes to be sentenced to death. Having failed to form kryz – the living body armour that marks the privileged class – she is condemned to bear the island chief’s children. Rather than submit, she plans a public fight to provoke her execution, fake her death and disappear. She’ll then secretly watch over Aavya, the kryz-less child she loves as her own, to protect her from the abuse she herself endured.

Instead of executing her, the rulers of the land elevate her to the rank of those with kryz, invite her to their seat of power and entrust her with improving the lives of the kryz-less. It is only when one of them frames an attempt on her life as an accident that she suspects the opportunity is a trap designed to keep her compliant and close at hand. As she investigates, she discovers that the friends she believed dead are being kept alive and experimented upon by the very rulers she serves.

To rescue her friends and keep Aavya and the other kryz-less from the same fate, Kal must first get beyond the rulers’ reach. But the only people she can turn to are the estranged childhood friend who betrayed her and the very chief she originally risked death to flee.

HERALD OF ASHES grew from my fascination with the power charismatic leaders wield over people and the stories they use to shape societies. I hold a Master’s degree in English Literature and teach English in France.

Hi again,

Thanks for the detailed feedback on my previous attempt. I'm posting my third attempt below the questions.

u/mom_is_so_sleepy and u/EnnOnEarth, would truly appreciate your feedback, if possible.

Questions:

1. I have both a tagline and a logline. Do I include both in the query letter? Just the logline?
2. Is this the correct order?
   1. greeting - personalisation - book data - logline - story pitch - bio - thanks

------------------------ query letter (with logline) -----------------

HERALD OF ASHES is a 116,000-word epic fantasy with series potential. It will appeal to readers of M. L. Wang's Blood Over Bright Haven and Antonia Hodgson's The Raven Scholar for its resourceful heroine forced to navigate dangerous power structures. Told through multiple viewpoints, the novel is framed by a wry cosmic narrator who speaks directly to the reader.

An oppressed woman orchestrates a public fight to earn a death sentence only to be offered the life she has always craved – until mounting deaths and an attempt on her life force her to abandon everything she’s gained if she is to survive and save the people she loves.

Tomorrow, Kal hopes to be sentenced to death. Without the living body armour that would have elevated her to the privileged class, she is slated to serve the island’s chief as one of the women who bear his children. Rather than submit, she plans a public fight to provoke her execution – intending to fake her death and secretly watch over Aavya, the child she loves as her own.

Just when she believes she has earned her death sentence, she is instead whisked away to the ruling immortals’ seat of power, where they entrust her with building a better future for others like her who failed to form armour.

But when she begins to suspect that the friends she thought were dead are being held by the immortals and survives an attempt on her own life, she realises that the future the immortals have spun for her is a gilded cage.

To save not just Aavya but also her friends from the immortals and fight for a better future for those like her, she must make a desperate escape. The only people she can turn to are her estranged childhood friend – the one who betrayed her – and the island’s chief she originally risked death to flee.

(bio)

Hi again,

I've made some changes to my query based on the feedback I received.

Some notes:

1. I started this novel 7 years ago and it evolved into a trilogy. I guess I'm kind of stuck with that. While the emotional arc for the first book is complete, the stakes grow through each book and all the ends are only tied up in the third.
2. I have racked my brains and those of people I know asking for comps but we haven't been able to come up with anything else besides the ones I mention. Any suggestions for comps? Or ideas for how I could rewrite that section? I'm not trying to be arrogant.

Thanks for taking the time for doing this :)

--------------------------

HERALD OF ASHES is an epic fantasy complete at 116,000 words. It opens the Fire Moon trilogy and will appeal to readers of N. K. Jemisin's Broken Earth Trilogy and M. L. Wang's Blood Over Bright Haven. The novel is told through multiple viewpoints and framed by a wry cosmic narrator who speaks directly to the reader.

In a desperate bid to escape oppression, a woman stakes her life in a deadly ritual of chance and wins, only to discover that her new life – which promises her purpose and a better future for the child she loves – is a dangerous prison she must now escape.

Three centuries after the White Rust destroyed metal and consumed most of the planet's water, the survivors have found refuge on a verdant island. Social worth here hinges on a cruel biological lottery: forming living body armour at puberty to become Salys. When Kal fails, she is declared Ysarva and condemned to a life of servitude and humiliation.

Now twenty, Kal has spent six years pursuing a single goal: getting herself sentenced to death at the annual coming-of-age ceremony that determines each new adult's future. The secret she has uncovered will let her survive her execution, disappear into a peaceful if lonely life, and covertly watch over Aavya, the child she loves as her own.

After successfully carrying out her plan, Kal is convinced she has earned her death sentence – until Arrendryn, her estranged childhood friend, tells her he has pleaded for mercy on her behalf.

However, instead of being executed or even pardoned, she is chosen to live amongst the ruling immortals – the first Ysarva ever to be granted such an honour. She is then whisked away to their seat of power, where they recognise her abilities and entrust her with leading the Ysarva, giving her hope that she can build a better future for Aavya.

Arrendryn insists it's all a trap. But Kal refuses to trust the man who disappeared into a life of privilege when he became Salys.

Yet when unexplained deaths, strange rituals, and sinister experiments force her to question everything she believes about the beloved immortals, her only chance to escape them – and keep Aavya beyond their reach – might lie with the man who betrayed her.

Hi,

This is my first post ever on Reddit and I hope I'm doing things right. I'm ready to start the querying process for my debut novel and would appreciate your feedback on the query. Thanks :)

-------------------

(agent personalisation)

A woman stages her own death to escape oppression, only to be offered a chance to change the system by the beloved rulers with far more dangerous intentions for her and everyone she loves.

Three centuries after the White Rust destroyed metal and consumed most of the water on the planet, social worth amongst the survivors hinges on developing living body armour at puberty to become Salys. When Kal fails to form one, she is condemned to a life of servitude and humiliation as Ysarva.

Now twenty, she has spent six years perfecting an audacious plan. One that will let her take revenge on her tormentors and, crucially, get her sentenced to death. The secret she has uncovered about her would-be executioners will allow her to survive, disappear into solitude, and covertly watch over Aavya, the child she adores.

Her plan goes spectacularly… right!

But instead of being put to death, she is declared equal to Salys by the ruling Amarantyns and transported overnight to their seat of power. There, they shower her with kindness, appreciate her skills, and ask her to help the Ysarva by becoming their leader.

The one person who insists it's all a trap is Arrendryn – estranged friend, childhood sweetheart, partner in heroic undertakings… and pranks.

Kal refuses to trust the man who disappeared into a life of privilege when he became Salys. Yet when unexplained deaths, strange rituals and sinister experiments force her to question everything she believes about the genuinely beloved Amarantyns, working with the man who betrayed her might be her only chance to escape them and save Aavya.

HERALD OF ASHES is the first book in the Fire Moon trilogy, an epic literary fantasy with science-fictional underpinnings and the architecture of a mystery. It is complete at approximately 116,000 words.

The story unfolds through multiple viewpoints framed by a wryly self-aware cosmic narrator: philosophically playful, emotionally needy, and inclined to address the reader directly.

It will appeal to readers of N. K. Jemisin's Broken Earth Trilogy, R. F. Kuang's Babel, and M. L. Wang's Blood Over Bright Haven – stories where intimate emotional wounds collide with oppressive systems and dangerous truths.

Born and raised in India, I draw from Indian mythology to bring a non-Western perspective to fantasy. I hold a Master’s degree in English literature and teach English in France.