u/Vegetable-Ebb-8795

Had a falling out during break up and she blocked me. I noticed I’m not blocked anymore (almost 2 years later).. that’s a green light to message her, right!? 😂😭

I need some advice. I have an ex girlfriend from almost 2 years ago now. We dated for 3 years in our mid 30s. During our break up there was past life rebounds quickly involved and I was not happy about it of course and ultimately said some distasteful things which quickly led to me getting blocked and the start of our no contact phase. She never said to leave her alone or not to contact her, just a simple block and ghost after I sent a serious of not so nice messages. I’ve since emailed her to apologize and try to gain some closure of sorts, but never any response.

Fast forward a couple years, I’ve dated 3 other girls, 2 not so serious for a month or two and the latest for about 8 months.. but I ultimately keep falling back to how strong my feelings are for that one girl in particular.. I can’t fully explain it but she is the relationship I always romanticize about in my mind and I would love to reconnect with her if possible even if nothing else but to talk. We’re both almost 40 and I’m sure have both been seeing other people since.

We had separations in the past, but the longest one probably for three or four months. She never initiated during separation and is very avoidant emotionally, but usually reacts when prompted enough and comes back around.

This time around, I actually emailed her again because I needed some information about a person that we used to work with together. She didn’t reply to my email, but the person I asked about reached out shortly after which gave me hope that she’s at least receiving my emails.

Today I noticed that I had been unblocked on Instagram too and all her tags came back and all of that stuff on my page. Not sure when but it was recent. I assume she probably wanted to snoop on me after that email.

I just kept it light and friendly in the emails, like hey I’m hoping to get in contact with this guy, not sure if you still work there.. and then a day or so after I sent it he reached out to me.

Then a week later I sent her another email and said hey, he reached out to me so I assume you talked to him, thank you! and then I gave her my phone number and address and just said I would love to hear from you if you ever want to talk.

I just know she would never cold call me or stop by though. That’s not her personality. She’s very stubborn and would never be the one to make the effort cus she doesn’t want any after effects to be “her fault”.

It’s messy I know but I’m absolutely longing for this woman and I don’t see it stopping. I love her! But I fucked up and lost my privileges to speak to her and I get that. But I want to

I’m sure I’m crazy, but if I was to try to reach out to her again, what should I do? What should I say? Is it not worth it?

😭 help meee plz don’t be too mean