War destroyed my life. (trauma dump)
Before I go into detail if you are religious, privileged and don’t wanna read disturbing things I suggest to leave.
this is my throwaway account
I lived in a country that was at war for 9 years before I fled the war.
Growing up it was a luxury to even take warm showers and have electricity and the hardships I went through I still don’t understand how I survived. Ever since I was young I worried about me or my family dying from a bomb rather than having my favorite toys like most other kids.
God watched and watched but did not do anything, god is a fucking bitch. He sees me and people like me suffer and don’t do anything to stop it, WHERE THE FUCK IS GOD? Where is his ass when I was getting abused physically and emotionally as a child, bombed, and went through literal hell on earth?
My friends mom died in a bomb explosion and for these privileged people it’s gods fucking plan and collateral damage. Why is gods plan always making us suffer but give these people the most perfect life possible? Another time I was beaten so badly by my own father that my nose was bleeding, but it’s ok because it’s gods plane.
All I do in my life is sit cry over my fucking situation and talk about how unfair my life is. And post these stupid posts on this damn app because I have no other shit to do.
my classmates from school always pop up into my fyp, they have the best lives, they don’t have abusive parents, never went through trauma, rich, beautiful, best social skills, the only worry they have is their grades and some dumb drama in their fuckass lives.
These people are living their best life, always having fun, going on trips, achieving so many things because they’re so privileged and lucky everything is simply handed to them, their parents are supportive and their life is so easy.
These people have the life I could only dream of, simply for existing, these privileged pieces of shits never went through hardships in life, never had to suffer and simply have the best life for no fucking reason.
How the fuck does that even make sense? What is the point of trying if life is just unfair at the end of the day?
I could work my ass off for years and not even be close to these peoples life.
I jsut don’t get it why, why is it me? Why could I not have the same privileged life SO MANY people have so many people come from good family’s, childhood, money and are so lucky and happy.
Even if I some how manage to make it I don’t think I’ll ever be happy, the resentment I hold is so much, so much. My life has destroyed me, I’ll always grief my childhood, the shit I went through and ofc survivors guilt. I’ll always think about my disabled sister, my friends, my family and so many people that I love.
I really need an explanation to my questions , and what is even the point of living if it’s unfair and most of the time I’m just gonna suffer.