Honestly, I just sat in bed one day and noticed that “Soda Pop” and “Abracadabra” by Lady Gaga had a similar BPM, and I knew I had to test it at least once.
Sorry for the bad stitching, this is my first ever edit.
“Soda Pop” - Sony Pictures Animation https://youtu.be/983bBbJx0Mk?is=f610U1w7xzvyAaty
“Abracadabra” - Lady Gaga https://youtu.be/vBynw9Isr28?is=jMRpc4pyjh-sahgP
I’m (19M) about to move out of my mom’s (39F) house soon. I figured it’s about time and I just don’t want to see my mom as much because of all we’ve been through. I started looking back at my childhood and wondering how I feel about her. But I want to be fair and list why she may dislike me along with why I dislike her.
Before I was 10, I had a fascination with pregnancy. I didn’t know why, I just did. I’d search for any outlet to get a better understanding of it, which would get offensive at times (substituting bigger women to see if it felt the same, going up to and talking to expecting women). My mom said it was wrong, but I didn’t get why. I saw other people do it, what difference did it make? So, I ignored her and moved onto expecting teachers at school. Sometimes, I could’ve gotten away with asking once. Then I doubled-dipped. Big mistake.
When I did it once, I got sent to the office and grounded. Did it again, I got suspended a few days before summer and grounded for half. I did it again with a neighbor during high school. I asked respectfully, she politely declined, and that was it. I got grounded just for asking that. Up until then, I was a repeat offender because I still didn’t get that it wasn’t socially acceptable for most. All I did was ask, get politely turned down, and backed off. Why was I punished for something seemingly insignificant? Currently, I have better self-control and don’t go around doing that anymore. I believe that’s why she might dislike me; because I was disobedient and a bit of a problem child.
Now, for why I dislike my mom.
On the night of my graduation, my dad (40M) went to the movies with me after the ceremony, and we sat in the car, where he gave me a full rundown on how he and my mom separated. To summarize, my mom cheated on him while he was in the military. He found out, she apologized, they stayed together. Then, a while later, I was born. After being discharged, my dad had to work multiple jobs to support my mom and I while my mom was in between college and work. When I was four, they married, and they divorced when I was five after my mom cheated on my dad again. My mom got custody while my dad had visitation rights. To be honest? That all lines up a little too well with what I remember.
-When I was five, my mom once told me that my dad didn’t love me. My dad said she was on Adderall at the time and it was during a rough patch, but she still said it and yelled at me, driving me away from her.
-I once got in trouble for swearing once in the 5th grade. I accidentally mouthed the F-word and tried apologizing after, but my mom was immediately called after. She took me home, I explained what happened, she slapped me, and grounded me.
-After being suspended before summer, my mom took me to a psychiatrist to better understand why I was like this. By that point, I felt like ending it all. I thought my parents and family would turn on me for this, my friends would turn on me, and everyone at high school would know (which they did, but nothing came of it). I thought my life was over, and that my mother would be better off with another child. When I told the psychiatrist what I thought, and he told my mom, she sat me down in the living room. Most moms would probably comfort their child, tell them that they’re valued and loved and that they’re enough. My mom? All she said was basically “If you kill yourself, you’re going to hell”, and un-grounded me.
-When I was in high school, before I had a job and just saved whatever money that was gifted to me, a plumber had to fix the pipes in the sink. I suppose he didn’t take CashApp or checks, or it wasn’t available to my mom at the time, because she took $250 dollars from me to pay him and only told me after I found out less than a day later. She paid it back, but she still lied and stole from me, and would probably do it again. She’d justify it by saying she gave me back the money every time I brought it up, and I had to bring that up three times before getting a forced apology from her.
-When I was in elementary school, I’d be watching TV while she was banging whatever hookup or boyfriend at the time was in the bedroom (which I could hear from the living room). The same happened in high school, twice, in the morning. Like, you guys can’t even wait until I leave for school or work?
-Every time she presented me with an option to do one thing or the other and I choose, she chooses the “right” option for me.
-There’s not much emotional connection between us. She only started saying “I love you” a while before I graduated and hasn’t hugged me in a year (which she didn’t even do before then). I don’t even know if this counts for anything, but outside of laughing with her here and there, she’s not very emotionally involved. That was solidified after my psychiatrist appointment, so I didn’t really talk to her about any problems I had. I’d talk to my dad, my best friend, teachers, even her ex-boyfriend that I’m friends with, but it would never be her.
That’s why I dislike my mom. She cheated on & disrespected my dad, stole from me, hit me, and lied to me. I can’t forgive her for those things because she’s never sorry and never apologizes because she thinks she’s always right. And when she did apologize, it would be for small things. When she apologized for big things, it was too late to matter. She’d already swept it under the rug and weaseled her way out, and even then, those apologies would be forced out of her. I don’t feel any real trust or love from her outside of “because you’re my son”.
But, maybe I’m crazy and blowing this out of proportion. Does she actually deserve to be disliked, or am I being too hard on her and she’s just a mom who made mistakes?