Re-connecting with FA ex - 3 mths after break up.
​
Okay, feeling hopeful & emboldened I am seeking the collective wisdom of the hive mind.
(I know I will - if anything - get "don't bother", 'run while you can - generic avoidant hating comments... But hopefully there might be a useful comment somewhere. For info I am well aware of the perceived wisdom regarding what I am attempting but there are specifics here beyond the scope of this question).
This is trying to avoid the putting all FA in the one size fits all thing - I know and advocate that you are all individuals first, and not the sum of your attachment label.
I won't bore with the break up, brief NC and then slow paced reconnection by messaging.
Very recently three months after break up (overwhelm, deactivation - whatever term suits).. we met back up.
It was like nothing ever happened - just instant connection and ease with each other.
I had planned on just the two drinks at bar and then away - partly for me pacing things, and partly for her system. I don't know how it all works (from her view) but I didn't want to re-trigger anything.
Two drinks became three, at the bar she said I could stay over (bed or couch was not specified).
Ended up back at hers - more drinks.. we relaxed into each other just like we used to, her draped across me. It was set up for kissing, but I didn't. I had this idea not to rush it all first meet... It was clear by now the couch wasn't the option. The ease of us and the chat was though time inbetween and break up hadn't happened. (We were neither of us mentioning it).
Long story short - I tucked her in, kissed her on the forehead and left.
--- this is where I start to need some input..
- we messaged warmly the next day about how we enjoyed meeting, seeing each other again.
- and again further message with warmth and jokes since, but I am not flooding her inbox deliberately. She was never much of a messager and I am trying to take things bit by bit.
- BUT; Have I ballsed up by leaving that night? I was trying to respect both myself and her by not just rushing into bed the first meet?
It could just have been a glorified "booty call" but the unspoken impression was we are both feeling our way, see how we are with each other and it may work to a fresh start. (And again won't bore with the details but pretty sure that takes on it is right).
I didn't want to force too much and try and see her again this weekend, but going to try see her next weekend.It's the FA angle that complicates things (obviously) without that I would just have stayed, with that I am trying to skirt around re-triggering whilst things are in flux.