u/Vesper_Nomad

Hi everyone. I just wanted to throw this out here and ask if anyone else has been inundated with endtimes doom and gloom messages. It's everywhere. I get it irl from family and online too because my feed is full of that stuff. And things are looking exceptionally bleak, regardless of whether you're an atheist or someone following the biblical Armageddon calender to a T. I don't know what to make of much of the Bible still, I'm still working on my faith but it's difficult when resentment against God creeps in. I didn't ask to be here.

You have people like Elon Musk and his ilk talking about how the world as we know it is going to irrevocably change in the next decade if not sooner based on the AI boom. The cost of living keeps rising. There's new news everyday of poisons being discovered in food and regular use items. The wars currently going on and looming in the near future aren't easing up. Every single day there's horrific news about Christians being killed, pain and suffering of innocent people, evil just unceasingly marching forward and it's just overwhelming. I don't think we were ever supposed to have access to all of this information and I feel sick because of it. Then there's the fear mongering Christians who make everything worse when you already feel set adrift.

Stuff like this doesn't help when you're already barely scraping by. Now you have to worry and fear that you'll have to watch your loved ones slowly starve to death or be hunted down by whatever is coming. And then there's mourning the lfie I wished I could had. Getting married and maybe having a child which I will never do now because what is the point. What will the world even look like when that kid is grown? I'm just struggling not to hate God or question his existance altogether. I don't see the point of any of this and it makes it impossible for me to enjoy even the day to day stuff.

I sometimes wish I'd been born an animal or an insect or something instead of a person that has to live through this. If I'd had some kind of encounter with God before to make it worth it, it would help. But I'm attempting to white-knuckle my faith right now and its so damn hard.

So. Self explanatory.

I'm (28F), a SUPER late bloomer. Let me clarify: no long or short term relationships, no FWBs, no hookups or situationships, no ONSs, nada. Zilch. I am neither proud nor ashamed, just intimidated at the piss-filed dating pool both genders have peed in that I now have to tentatively wade into.

For the sake of ensuring that no one assumes I'm either a psycho or the human equivalent of an angler fish, I'll explain that I was raised in a pretty conservative religious household where dating was dictated as a straight-to-marriage pipeline. I also dealt with quite a bit of anxiety for other reasons but I managed to turn things around somewhat gracefully, at least I hope. I've done a lot of observation of the relationships around me and online (which had its negative effects at first), done the work to deal with my past baggage from my childhood/teen years, cultivate empathy, genuinely sit and figure out what companionship means to me etc.

So I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Though stepping into the dating pool now, at the ripe old age of 28 makes me feel like pre Super Soldier Serum Steve Roger's striding onto the battlefield. It's a LOT on both sides lol. The gender divide thing is also pretty painful to watch and I have no intention of falling into the same old tired script of resentful relationships.

My question would be: I've worked on myself enough to be able to offer everything I'd want in a partner. I know why I want to be in a relationship and not just what I want to receive, but what I genuinely want to give a man. I want a real, actual, companion. A best friend. So the theory is great but the practical aspect?

Yeah no. Horrendous.

I just wanna know from men who know men best, how to spot red flags. I don't really want to tell a guy I'm interested in that I'm a novice at all of this stuff but I also don't want to lie or make him feel the performance pressure of having to lead the relationship.

I don't want my inexperience to be the focal point of the relationship but I also need to know what to look out for to make sure a guy isn't just trying to get a notch on his belt. So far, interest has always gone to one of two extremes when dudes find out. I'd really appreciate any help in this department, any advice.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading! :)

Edit: typos galore