u/VioletGhost2024

I’m 24, dealt with porn/sex addiction for 7 years. Longest I went without relapse was 2 months then it all went downhill for there. As for the title of this post, you ever had your life go good but so bad at the same time? It’s a head f**k and a half. On one hand porn is my go to, depression, anxiety, stress, anger etc. porn is the only thing that’s kept me sane. Which I know is toxic but when you’re alone in life you do dumb shit. Addiction has led me to rush my job, lose friends, isolate myself, cheat, drink, use drugs etc, al in an attempt to numb that pain and shame. But then on the other hand, everyone thinks I’m fine, made a friend recently who’s setting me up on a date, I should be excited, grateful, happy. But all I can think about is my next vid to watch and I feel like such a loser for it.

I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t contemplated using my friends g*n, quick and easy. My problems would be all gone. But I know I shouldn’t, I need help, more than I’m willing to admit but I don’t know where to even start. I don’t know how to function like this.

I’m 24, I’ve dealt with sex and porn addiction since I was 17. Once I graduated and got a job it only got worse because then I started paying escorts. Depression, anxiety, body issues etc. all fed my addiction. Led to me cheating in relationships, missing work, avoiding people, blowing through all my cash etc. I feel beyond help. Spoke to a group recently about my relapse and tried to get help but failed. I’m typing this out after seeing an escort trying not to cry in my car because I feel so disgusted and ashamed with myself. For some added context I don’t have anyone in my life, I haven’t parents but they’re emotionally shut off, I have no other friends or family to turn to. Distractions like gym, gaming etc only work temporarily, I’m honestly desperate to try anything that works at this point, I’ve accepted the fact that I have a genuine issue and a problem but I just don’t know how to stop.

If this doesn’t make sense i apologise, my hands are literally shaking typing this out, and i realise this sort of turned into a rant sorry.