u/Virtual_Cantaloupe62

My husband was pulled into the pig butchering scam a few months ago. I figured out what was going on and told him, giving him several print outs from legit sites explaining what was being done to him. He was pissed, but I think he was more annoyed that I wouldn't tell him how I knew - like I was going to give up how I have been able to discreetly observe him to see if he was texting a woman again (he was) or going on sites he said he wouldn't (he hid it deeper.)

Anyway, I am wondering if other women have run into this with their partners and also if you think that their phone number was harvested/sold/given to the scam syndicate by dating sites they were visiting? I haven't found any information on this hunch, other than the usual the numbers are just generated from a mass blast. But this does not track for me because his number is sequential with some of his former work friends, and he said they did not receive any "wrong number" texts.

My partner (67) does not believe he has dementia and has gone through testing (PET Scan, MRI, bloodwork and psyche eval next) just to show me how wrong I am. I set up all the accounts and made the appointments, so I have seen all the results and comments as they come in. PET Scan confirms Lewy Body Dementia suspicion, which was based on behaviour and other specific changes. He has no clue. I can't figure out if I should tell him before our follow up with the neurologist or wait and have the neurologist discuss it with us. I don't know if he will believe me if I tell him, yet if he does believe me, it is 2 weeks until we see the neurologist and that is a long time to wait for a doctor to explain everything.

Any thoughts or similar experience with this?

Thanks.

We had our D day back in January. Married 30+ years, together almost 35. We are 9.5 years apart (he is 67, I am 58.) We live in a retirement community in Florida which I did completely for him, and he never gave a thought to what I wanted -which was not this. I am drowning in unhappiness. I knew about the porn for many years, but just had no idea how MUCH he was viewing and how OFTEN and how disgusting it was. My sixth sense was tingling for years, but it was always "I don't want to disrupt the kids - need to get them to college (which I did)", or "He works so much" (but now I wonder if he really was working all those hours or not.) SO MUCH slowly came to light. It was like that Pearl Jam song - "Some things are so much clearer, once you're in my rear view mirror....you were fucking with me." Things began to fall into place. I found this forum and it was a godsend. I got great advice, like how to get the proof, which I needed.

At the beginning of our D-Day, I said "We need to talk about our relationship. We need to be honest, there is nothing that we can't say to each other right now, as long as we are truthful." He was overjoyed and agreed and when I asked him about his porn use, he flatly denied it: "Nope, not me. I don't look at that anymore." I asked for his phone and pulled it right up and began reading off all the sites that his phone had gone to."Ya, I have been looking at it." I told him that it was actually the dating sites that crossed the line - he adamantly denied ever being on a dating site. I explained that his words were meaningless, since he he just boldly lied to my face and had been apparently lying to me for years. I know his phone connected to NUMEROUS dating sites, not just becuase I could pull many up on his phone, but becuase I WAS GETTING ADS for them whenever we were in proximity. And they were clearly targeted to him - Silver Singles, Young women looking for older men etc. And when he was out of the house or we were not in close proximity, I never got them. There were just so many and for so long, I knew it was not random ad targetting.

I have spent months trying to find a house back home and will be leaving in a week to help my son through surgery and hopefully find a place to move to. So here is the thing: From D-Day on, when he said "I won't try to stop you" when I told him I wanted a Divorce, he has been accommodating and even helpful regarding finding a house and the move. At first I thought it was guilt. But NOW...I was reading one of the posts about Motherless. I don't recall seeing that on his computer or his phone, but I was only looking for about 7 weeks out of many years. I once caught him watching me in the dark as I got out of the hottub naked in the early morning, after he had pretended to leave the house for his early morning walk. NOPE. Was watching me...I have found that he had visited and had an account with Undress Her and a few other similar AI sites. After reading about Motherless, I suddenly had a horrible sense that he had been there... all these other little things are staring to add up and make sense like they did with the porn and dating site realization.

I will be gone in a week, and hopefully will find a place, but I feel like this bending over to help me get out the door is indicating that he wants me gone before I figure out how to find any pictures or videos of me. I literally get only 8 minutes to look at his phone, and my hands shake like an earthquake doing it. I have cracked his newest phone code, which took weeks. He has changed up his passwords and uses only data, and goes through Google, to go online.

Please, can someone direct me how to quickly locate any hidden pics or videos on his iPhone? (I have an android and I am sure he switched to iPhone to make it harder for me.) I have used all previous tips and tricks, but he is gone so deep undercover, none of them are working.

I am ready to move on but now...I need to know if he has made pics of me like this or videos. He is so seamless between acting like a "normal" human being and picking up his phone to look at something that would have made his momma pass out. It is amazing how he does not perceive that it is inappropriate, wrong or hurtful.

Sorry for length of post and thanks ahead of time for any thoughts!