It’s not working anymore. I try to drug myself out or drink myself silly to forget and make these thought go away, but they don’t. I don’t know how to get rid of them. The drinking and drugging just makes me think about it more. I want all of it, everything, to just stop permanently
Probably gonna delete when I’m sobered up in a few hours, but just needed to get this out somewhere. When I was younger, about 8-9, my cousin would spend the night, I used to have to wake up to my crotch feeling wet. I always thought at the time I pissed myself, but one night I woke up to that feeling and saw my cousin messing with my crotch area. I never told anyone about it, for the longest time I thought that meant I liked it or I was gay( no shame in being gay, just I’m personally not). I don’t know why, but everyone I’ve been with a woman/ retired to get with a woman, I keep getting flashbacks to it. I’m pretty sure it was abuse, but I honestly don’t know. My bad for the long dump, been getting pretty high and drunk to block the memory out. If anyone could offer some advice to forget or move on I’d appreciate it