u/Visible-Holiday-1017

I'm really happy with my tablet, but, I'm having a lot of issues with tips. I don't have the luxury to re-buy a bunch of tips because the official store doesn't exist in my country (hence, all sellers are third parties that hike up prices).

It's not that my tips get worn down super easily, it's that at the slightest wear, they start scratching the tablet - makes an awful noise too - and I have to use progressively less comfortable angles to draw and it still doesn't help.

I don't understand how people can fully wear down a tip, for me it feels like at the slightest wear it needs replacing because of the above issues and I don't want to permanently damage my tablet but it appears I already have...

Am I doing something wrong?

Not my first post here, and for context, I have been in therapy from a young age. I was diagnosed with major depressive & anxiety initially, followed by ADHD and dyscalculia. Because of my region, pretty much no professionals that accepted minors my age at the time had any actual competence treating mental health problems - I was shuffled around by therapists & psychiatrists and ended up with a lot of therapy trauma, from incorrect treatment to straight up malpractice.

Before I was ever aware of what dissociation ever was, when I was about 12, my psychiatrist at the time made me do an ADES due to an unrelated traumatic event that had become an overtly visible trigger. When she concluded that my score had been far, far higher than she anticipated, instead of maybe investigating why a child could potentially be dealing with a bigger traumatic problem, she started laughing in my face & making fun of me, accusing me of "expressing myself dramatically" because there was "no shot someone with such a nice mom is so dissociative". She then purposefully triggered me repeatedly until I screamed at her to stop. That was only one of the terrible experiences I'd had with that psychiatrist...

Because that was literally my first exposure to dissociation being discussed in a theraupetic setting, I have pretty much become completely averse to talking about anything related to memory loss or derealization in person. Up to this day after years had passed. After coming to discovery of some things and some time passing, lots of my parts have only grown more and more hostile and wary of "the outside world", and a gatekeeping part in particular has further tanked my ability to talk about anything that actually matters in therapy. The first time I had a competent therapist, when she became the first adult to point out my relationship with my (abusive) brother was not normal, I felt similarly exposed/vulnerable and stopped seeing her (which I deeply regret).

Fast forward to today, I have a reasonable therapist/psychiatrist (same person; not rare of a practice for psychs to give therapy here). This summer marks my 3-and-a-half-years anniversary of seeing her but I'm just frustrated to no end. I've only managed to bring up "my internal world" twice, and any other time I try to talk about how badly dissociation is impacting me, I can't breathe or swallow; I suddenly get confused and feel like my intelligence has been shot to half, and if I try pushing regardless I get a headache and switch out (on one occasion I pretty much nearly blacked out which is extremely rare for me).

I'm lost on what to do. Trying to write a note results in it getting destroyed (physical) or deleted by another part (digital). I feel like my hands are tied and I'm just wasting my money paying for therapy that has me unable to talk about what matters or just start rambling and be unable to stop about something minimal instead. And half the time during the appointments, my therapist asks me to follow up on something I apparently mentioned prior but I have no fucking memory of it. I'm so tired. Should I just give up ATP? I know this shit is meant to be covert but this is getting ridiculous.