u/WaitNo7886

My wife has severe ME/CFS, MCAS, and POTS. She's been staying at her parents house but now she wants to come back to my place. I said no because I'm exhausted and the dynamic is toxic. She blames me for everything and there has been physical abuse (hitting, scratching, hair pulling) from her side.

She has a doctor's appointment in 1 hour with her high complexity care team. I'm going to be there. I don't want her to move back but I'm willing to support her at her parents house whenever she needs me.

I want to be honest with the doctor but I'm scared. If I tell them about the abuse they might take it too seriously and get authorities involved. I don't want that. I just want her to get better and I don't want to abandon her. I'm also scared they won't believe me or it will make things worse.

Should I tell the doctor the truth or just stay quiet? What do I say? I'm really stressed and don't know what to do. Appointment is in 1 hour. Please help.

You can read the rest of my story on my profile.

I don't even know where to start. My wife has severe ME/CFS MCAS POTS and Long COVID. She's been deteriorating since July and has lost about 30 pounds. She's mostly bedbound has severe PEM and can barely handle any exertion. Recently she moved to her parents home because she wouldn't let me sleep. She would cry all day and night. I cooked her meals,cleaned and helped her as much as I could. But she moved there anyway.

She doesnt care if Im asleep. She wakes me up at any time to do things like call my parents in the middle of the night and wake them up to tell them they're wrong. Or she'll be on the phone talking to people and won't let me sleep. I cant sleep when she's making noise so I'm exhausted all the time.She eats properly but her weight is still not gaining.I lost a lot of weight too when she was with me and I guess it was also due to stress from her

We have an inter-cultural marriage and because of that her siblings and most of her family have cut ties with her. She misses them terribly and blames me for that. She wants her parents to give us their garden suite to live in. I dont want to live there but she's been pressuring them so much that they've almost agreed. Her brothers have never been nice to me. They've kicked me out of their house twice and spoken to me very disrespectfully. Her parents are nice though and they've always been good to me. I don't want to go to her parents house but she forces me to visit spend all day and night and work from there since I work remotely. She threatens me constantly and she talks to so many people on her phone every day. Friends and supporters and whoever will listen. She blames me for everything. Before she used to blame her parents and her brothers but now she blames me and her parents both and people believe her.

My only fault is that I hesitate to visit her parents house. I told her I can come during the nights and leave in the morning to help her sleep but she never listened. She always complains that Im the reason for her decline. She talks to people and tells them partial truths and then she justifies her abuse by calling it reactive abuse because I would run away in the mornings. She says I never cared. She tells everyone that I have autism and PDA and thats why I run away. I have never been diagnosed with anything. Shes not a doctor and her counselor is not my counselor. But she throws these labels at me to explain my behavior to everyone and make herself look like the victim. She used to mention that she has PTSD from childhood trauma but she hasn't talked about flashbacks or PTSD in the last 5 to 6 months. Now she only talks about PEM, crashes and exertion.

Her screentime is around 14 hours a day and when Im with her she keeps saying why did you do this to me why do you not care about me. She uses foul language for me and my family and she says hurtful things about my mother. I would be quiet or say sorry or validate her or try to baby talk and then she would show me her HRV and pace points rising and say when you are here these are high and when you are not here they are normal.

She forces me to call my parents and tell them how theyve been unfair to her. Ive seen her parents do their best to support her but she doesnt appreciate any of it and she never acknowledges their efforts.

She threatens me constantly. She says she'll get me deported from Canada and she'll go to social media as ive a large following and show everyone what kind of person I am. She talks to so many people and doesn't keep any privacy. Even when Ive asked her not to share things she does it anyway. She blames me and her parents for everything and the people she talks to believe her. They take her side and she brags about small things making them believe she's right and that me and her parents are wrong. She even makes people call me and text me to do things.

She says she has no energy cant walk and cant move. But when its time to hit me she's ready to use her full force. Slapping me and pulling my hair and scratching me and not letting me escape. She calls it an adrenaline rush.

There have been at least 50+ incidents where she has slapped me pulled my hair and scratched my arms, face and neck. Just a few days ago she threw a solid object at my face pulled my hair, dragged me, slapped me and scratched my arms. I somehow escaped but ended up having a panic attack for the first time. I couldn't stop crying and sobbing. It was terrifying.

She used to take Cipralex which is escitalopram oxalate and Amitriptyline which is amitriptyline hydrochloride. She stopped both about 4 months ago and I feel like stopping those meds is the reason for the rise in her anxiety and stress but I could be wrong.

I'm not perfect, i know I've made mistakes and i know i sometimes withdraw because Im exhausted and hurt. But I love her and I dont want to leave her especially when Im worried her family might put her in a psychiatric ward.

I just don't know what to do anymore. How do you keep going when you're being blamed for everything physically hurt and completely isolated. I dont even know what is our future going to be like. Its a toxic relationship not good for both of us

Any advice would help. Thanks for reading.

Interviewed for a staff role at UVic almost 2 weeks ago now. Dropped them a quick follow up email last week just to check in on the timeline but haven't heard back yet.

Is this standard UVic ghosting / slow HR or should I just take the hint and move on? Anyone who's hired or worked there know how long they usually take?