u/Waiting4AReason

\[TW: suicide/death\]

I’ve never told anyone this outside of my friend group, so if anyone has similar experiences, let me know.

I was at the lowest point in my life. Had already set a time and date. Already knew how I was going to go. Had my outfit ready, etc.

On the day, a few minutes before the set time, I felt overwhelmingly sleepy. So I said I’ll take a nap and see how I feel after. So I did and my dream was so vivid that it felt so real.

I dreamt that I was being driven to the beach with my sister. (My sister and I have a complicated relationship.) As we got off, we walked towards the beach and I remember and felt the sun was the perfect warmth, the water was cool and just perfect. It felt so nice. The waves were calm and my sister went to swim. I even remember large sand figures on the beach. (One of them a penguin.) I was lying on the sand when it turned gloomy. I saw a big wave from a distance and screamed at my sister to come back. I was screaming at her but she was getting pulled back by the wave, so I swam as fast as I could to pull her to the shore. With the wave still coming on, I’m pulling her by the hand and looking for places to hide.

I saw what looked like a building with glass windows and doors. I open it and rush to the one room I see. It was a blue bathroom, with a toilet and a sink. I lock the door and tell my sister to catch her breath on the toilet. Then all of a sudden, silence.

I wait a few minutes and open the door. There were shattered glass from the doors and windows and when I looked back at the bathroom, my sister was no longer there.

I panicked looking for her until I saw a woman walking. I talked to her, still panicked, and asked her if she saw my sister. I explained to her what my sister looks like. Height, body type, etc. The woman said (in my local language), “Go there. They’re helping people look for those who are still missing.”

As I walk towards the crowd, an old acquaintance (from university), pulls me to the side.

Him: What are you doing here?

Me (still panicked): Hey, have you seen my sister? Do you remember her? I’ve been looking for her.

Him: No, I mean what are you doing HERE.

Me: What do you mean? I was here with my sister. We were swimming at the beach. I pulled her—

He cuts me off and says, “Don’t you know? You’ve died. You died trying to save her.”

Before I can start to process what he’s said, I hear my name being called. I go to what looks like a bench with a tall person sitting on one side. They ask me to sit. I couldn’t see their face at first, but they’re in front of a computer. They ask me, “So you already know?” and all I could do was nod. When I finally see what they look like, it’s my mom’s face. I remember it so vividly too. I ask her, “Mom, what are you doing here?” She says, “I take the face of someone you’ve loved dearly in your previous life.” I nod, understanding what she said. She asks me, “Is there something you want to see in the life you’ve lived?” I say, “My funeral.” In the screen in front of her she shows me. I saw people grieving, my friends and family crying. There were people singing (I love singing) and people sharing stories about me. I even remember the eulogy they gave about me. My mom couldn’t finish her sentences and my dad was crying too. I remember my friends being there too. Anyway, she says something about me being loved in the life I’ve lived. Then we had a conversation about what the next phase was going to be, but that part was a blur.

Anyway, yeah. That’s it.

For context, me and my mom have a very complicated relationship but I love her very much. I would take a bullet for her, so it was very fitting that she was the “last person” I would see. I’ve also been suicidal for most of my life and one thing I’ve always wanted is a “living funeral”. This dream happened months ago, but I still remember it very vividly.