Anyone else really proud of Ghostemane?
I started listening to Ghostemane around the 7th grade, back when my life was an absolute mess. I listened to a lot of underground music (at least at the time, LOL), artists like Lil Darkie, Bruhmanegod, $uicideboy$, Gizmo, and I was an active follower of Trashgang on YouTube (iykyk)
For a long time, I was a huge mess of a person. Things didn't really look good for me wherever I went be it school, home or with others. But at the very least, during those moments when I could put my headphones on and just be alone, the noise was something I could actually "feel." I could numb out whatever was in my head with the music and i'd be just good enough to go through the next day.
Eventually, it became less about just the noise and more about the lyrics. Connecting to their words let me know I wasn't the only person out there suffering. It showed me there was more to it than just getting angry or self destructive.
Ghostemane's last album came out during my 12th grade year, right when things were looking REALLY down for me. For personal reasons, I couldn't go to the colleges I wanted to attend and was forced to stay home. It felt like I was trapped in a box, unable to do the things I actually wanted to do or moreso, felt like I was only allowed to do things someone else chose for me. I locked myself away, and at one point, I was nothing more than a walking corpse. Still, I eventually found myself again and kept doing the things that allowed me to live.
Eventually, I hit a breaking point where I was forced to choose between risking everything doing what I actually wanted, or burning what I love to the floor just to fit what others demanded of me. Around a year and two months ago, I decided I’d finally had it. I left to make something of myself.
While I am, in a way, back where I started (got replaced by offshore hiring...), so many things have changed. Having to deal with the real world and having actual fears to worry about, and most importantly, seeing that I had people who truly stuck by me when things were hard and I didn't even believe in myself was what allowed that final piece of me to mature into something more. I mean, in a month, I’m going to showcase my stuff in TOKYO to over 200k people. That is something I don't think past me would have ever been capable of doing!
I still feel like I’m far from the person I want to be, but at the same time, I think the past version of me would be incredibly proud.
When I opened Spotify today and saw Ghostemane dropped a new song, at first, I wasn't sure what to expect, but the music instantly had a much different tone. In the past, his work felt deeply nihilistic like someone constantly standing at the edge of life's crap. But his new song, as simple as it is, is about one core concept: being tired of something and actually doing something to change it.
I looked more into his 5 year break and suddenly it all made sense. He has a family now (congratulations!) and took real time away to be a father. I think this is so beautiful, especially considering how much his older songs mentioned his own father and their broken connection. He broke the cycle. He made a new loop for both his kids and himself. In a way, this new song feels like a direct reflection of that. Love, action, and self-responsibility have taken the place where abandonment and resentment used to live.
I guess what i'm trying to say is Ghostemane's music allowed me to survive and be the person I am now, and while it was there for him as well it seems he outgrew the shadow of himself to become something more than the lowest of his emotions.
If you somehow ever read this, Eric, I'm very proud of you man!
P.S. Hope you finally got the blood off your grandma's floor LOLLL
