u/Warm-Library2411

I’m realizing how much of it was abuse (spoiler alert: all of it) as time goes post-separation. Not only am I upset with myself for not clearly seeing it for what it was because of my love for him, but also furious that he got away with abuse. Not only with me, but also with his exes.

Have you ever confronted your ex months or years after the relationship ended that you now realize they are evil?

I feel like I’m fundamentally wrongly wired.

I’m not sure how to ask this question without sounding like a whiner, so I’m posting from a throwaway account.

I’m a successful woman in my mid-30s. I’m attractive and have a lot of love for people. People love talking to me about their problems. I’m fiercely protective of my loved ones and anyone who has positively impacted my life. This has led to me being taken advantage of because of my understanding and empathy for others’ emotions and pain.

I would go to great lengths for my friends. A lot of my closest friends have left me. The ones who showered me with love and affection and who said things like, “I love you and don’t want to ever lose you. What would I do without you?” I’m very easy to deal with. Even my parents would say that I never threw tantrums as a kid and was a very easy child to raise. Mainly because my parents saw me as their parent figure and I pretty much raised myself and them. I grew up with strong morals and always hold people accountable for their actions, but in a loving way.

Anyway, three of my closest friends who I believed would be there for me forever just ghosted me. I tried many times to ask them if something happened to make them go ghost, but of course, they didn’t respond. One of them works at my job and has completely stopped acknowledging me, not even a courtesy smile. She used to say, “You’re my best friend and sister, and I will never leave your side.” I understand that people grow apart or change but that happens over time, not overnight. And if there was truly love and care, there would be some sort of explanation- a simple “I don’t think this is working for me anymore” goes a long way instead of ghosting.

I was also in a narcissistic relationship for three years, and he discarded me brutally. He got into a serious relationship with someone while still being in a relationship with me, leaving me blindsided and single overnight. I didn’t even realize he was narcissistic and was abusing me so much until I started therapy and was diagnosed with complex PTSD and an autoimmune disorder.

I had been in two long-term relationships before him, and in both cases, they declared how much they loved me and referred to me as their wife. However, they ended up marrying the next girlfriend after me. I’ve come to refer to myself as the “foster friend and girlfriend.”

I’ve never been claimed by anyone. No one seems afraid of losing me, and no one seems to care about my absence. I’m working on feeling “not good enough” in therapy, but I can’t help but feel that I’m the problem and the common denominator. Like I’m doing something to be erased from people’s stories and lives like I didn’t matter.

My narcissistic ex was supposed to be my forever person and truly believed he was the love of my life. I can’t even bring myself to think of other men. I really want to get married and have a child, but I just don’t see that happening.

Despite my therapists and other close friends saying otherwise, I truly believe that something is wrong with me. I don’t see a point in keeping going anymore. I love life, but I just don’t like the way my life has turned out. I’m extremely exhausted and disappointed to see the world in a different light now.