u/WashIndependent7482

I don’t really know how to say this without making it sound heavier than I mean it to, but the past couple of weeks have been hard for me.
The shift between us felt really sudden, and I honestly don’t know what happened. One minute things felt easy and natural between us, and then suddenly there was this distance. I’ve tried to respect it because I don’t want to make you feel pressured or like you owe me anything, but I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t hurt.
I think the hardest part has been not knowing why. If I did something, I’d rather know. If you need space, I can respect that. If you’ve decided you don’t want me in your life anymore, I’d rather hear that too. It would hurt, but at least I’d understand where I stand.
I don’t expect you to fix anything or give me some perfect explanation. I just miss when talking to you felt easy. I miss feeling like I could just be myself around you without wondering whether I was saying too much or bothering you.
And honestly, I wish you’d just tell me what’s going on in your head. That’s probably the part that’s been hardest—the not knowing.

You’re becoming a memory again

Thank you for making me realize that I am worthy of love again, that I am still capable of pouring into a person.

I am also capable and deserving of receiving that in return.

I wish I knew why you ghosted me but I’ll respect your space. Even a “fuck you never contact me again” would be better than nothing.

Missing you like always.

I just want to know why my friend has pulled away from me, haven’t heard from him in the last week after talking about getting together again, it isn’t like him but I’m not sure if I should bother him or not

I don’t want you to be another person I have to get over. Your silence hurts. I know I’ll get over it but why do you have to be one of them? This is why it’s better to be alone I guess. At the end of the day I only have myself. I’ll always love you.

I wasn’t sure what flair to add on here. We’ve been friends for awhile, sometimes more distant than close. I’ve crushed on you before, but being your friend has always been more important to me.

You see me. You speak my language. And I don’t know how to let go.

You’re a coward who doesn’t communicate worth a shit, I see your true colors now. I deserve better friendship wise or relationship wise. You’re just like everyone else. Keep hiding out in your fucking cave and complaining how lonely you are . I fucking hate men.

No response is a response, got it 👍🏻

I miss you and really hope I get to see you soon. When I’m with you all the chaos in my head shuts down.

I hate how inviting and open you were. I hate how authentic you were. I hate how considerate you were of me and my needs. I hate that you shared music with me. I hate that we would talk for hours on end about nothing and everything. I hate you for allowing someone to get close when you knew you’d pull away. I hate remembering what it felt like to hug you. I hate that I was vulnerable with you. I hate your eyes. I hate your laugh. I hate everything about you that invited me in and made me love you. I hate that I still love you.

I want to cradle your heart and protect it. I want to show you what it’s like to be truly loved and accepted. I want your flaws, your darkness, your good days and bad days. I want to be your safety net. Because I know what it’s like to be abandoned and not have anyone understand.

But I will never be chosen by you, just like I wasn’t your first choice all those years ago.

I still love you and I don’t know how to let go.

You were truly my first love, and I would hold you forever if I thought it would help solve all of your problems.

I wish you saw yourself the way I see you. Devilishly handsome, intelligent, kind. You have a sadness about you that breaks something in me, that makes me want to show you what it feels like to be seen, loved, and cared for. I adore you beyond measure, and would happily let you bother me for the rest of my life. I don’t understand how any one could abandon you or get tired of you. You have this way of recharging my tired soul, it’s like my perpetual exhaustion dissipates after being in your presence, or merely texting you for hours. I can’t remember the last time being around someone didn’t feel absolutely draining, even people I care deeply about. I wish I had an endless supply of that feeling you give me, this week has been hard on me, but I know you have your own issues and haven’t wanted to bog you down with mine. I wish I knew if you felt the same, or if I’m just crazy. It is truly a privilege to be your friend, I wish I could be more than that to you.

I miss you like crazy 😔

If I’m bothering you just say that, if I’m too much then pull back, let me down easy and walk out of my life like everyone else.

I miss you. The way you make me feel like a whole person, like someone finally fucking sees and accepts every last piece of me. I could talk to you for hours and never get bored of you, your presence is intoxicating and now I’m coming down from the high. It scares me, the what ifs. What if you realize how fucked up I really am? That I’m weak, emotional, needy. What if you get bored of me like everyone else…..no one has ever truly loved my for my entire being, I’ve either been a warm body for their bed or they like the idea of me they have formed for themselves. I’m scared of never feeling the way you made me feel that night again, alive and seen and just accepted, with no ulterior motives, just enjoying each other’s company. I regret not keeping in touch over the years….you are a truly beautiful person and anyone would be lucky to have you. I wish I could bottle up that feeling and micro dose it on my hard days….hard days like today. I want to tell you I miss you everyday, wish you good morning and good night, ask about your day, and talk about boring mundane things with you, because somehow even the mundane is magical with you. And these are the feelings I’m afraid would scare you away, they would be too much too soon, and we live in a modern society where poets can no longer be poetic, and you have to be distant and non-chalant. Don’t text every day, if they wanted to they would, yada yada. I doubt you even feel the same, so here I am sending all these feelings out into the void, hoping it will ease my anxiety some.

I want to reach out and words continue to fail me, so here is a song

Lying in my bed, I hear the clock tick and think of you
Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new
Flashback, warm nights
Almost left behind
Suitcase of memories
Time after
Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said
Then you say, "go slow"
And I fall behind
The second hand unwinds
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost, you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting
Time after time
After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through windows
You're wondering if I'm okay
Secrets stolen from deep inside (deep inside)
And the drum beats out of time
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost, you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting
Time after time
Time after time
I've got a suitcase of memories that I almost left behind
Time after time
Time, time, time
But you say to go slow but I fall behind
Time after time after time (after time, oh)

-with love, M