u/Waste_Hospital_4928

My husband has been battling stage 4 cancer for a year. Over the last two weeks he has verbally lashed out at me twice, where his words do NOT match the situation. Last night he was struggling to clear thick secretions from his throat (an ongoing issue that can sometimes prove dangerous due to the reconstructive surgery that was performed on his throat last year). This happened right before bed, I had already turned on his humidifier and administered medication for this, but I suggested he stand in a steamy shower for a few minutes to help loosen stuff. He said that doesn't work for him. I said it works for everyone, that's what they do for hospital patients is hook them up to a strong humidifier. He said it doesn't work for him he's tried a bunch. I said I've never seen him try (he bathes twice a week and he's never once jumped up to say I'm gonna rinse off cuz it might help my throat. We'vebeen married 17 years). He began using curse words and hateful speech. I got out of bed and curled up with one of our kids.

He texted continuing to justify and minimize and how hurtful his words had just been. Here is my response:

"My yesterday in no particular order: I did two full loads of dishes. I did three loads of laundry. I emailed the school for the kids. I cleaned your pee and spit off the bathroom toilet. I emailed [business partner] about doing part time work. I did a grocery haul for a week's worth of groceries for the entire family, including all the meals I prepare for you several times every single day, I walked 2 miles with the dog, I did a short jaunt up the alley with the family, I scrubbed down the kitchen including the stove top and counters, I partnered up with [child] to deep clean his room so that he has a better understanding of how to complete the task and have actual life skills, I emailed [child's] team mom, I did a mini kitchen science experiment with the kids, I patched [child's] eye so he one day will have stronger vision, I listened to [child] share every detail of her Halloween costume idea and then looked up stuff online with her, I prepped two homecooked meals for you, I cooked 2 homemade meals for the kids, I ordered lunch for the kids, I braided [child's] hair, I put the living room back together after a weekend of hosting a house full of people, I paid a bill, I sat with [child] while he read to me and then I took time to read to him, I fed the dog, I drove to Orange and then sat in 40 minutes of traffic to return home so I could be there for your Oncology appt, I went to a quick doctor's appt for myself, I prepped a syringe of medicine and refilled your humidifier like i do every night, and then I got in bed and listened to you verbally assault me and minimize how incredibly wrong it is for you to speak to me that way. I will do for you and the family all day, but I will not be talked to that way. That's twice in 2 weeks, you need to take a real good look at that. Then kids have heard you both times. Last night I had to console [child] who heard every sentence from her bed through the walls and tell her you didn't mean what you said, that the medicine has you acting different. Its 6am and I'm cleaning puke off [child's] bed sheets. Cancer has completely taken over this house. But as little control as you have over your life at the moment, you do have control over how you speak to me and what the kids will remember about this time. You can be anything to me. Don't be a monster."

But really I know this is one more thing I'm going to have to brush aside and blame cancer for because its not who he is normally.

Watching someone slowly die is like watching a thousand slow deaths of everything you loved about them. This hurts. And I hurt. And there really isn't time for me to hurt because I have a house full of people who depend on one of us to be OK. But this morning, I'm not OK. ​​

My husband has been battling since September of last year. He had his 3 month scan at the beginning of the month where they discovered some spots on his lungs. He had the largest spot biopsied last week. During his appt today it was confirmed: Metastatic HPV-positive SCC that progressed despite standard treatment.

This is our second time fighting this cancer. It just never was a possibility in our mind that standard treatment would fail.

I've known my husband my whole adult life. We have a 7 and 11 year old. I'm not ready for him not to be here.

It was explained to us today that he is eligible for clinical trials. And that we have shifted from potentially "curable" to chronic lifelong disease. Its this wierd in between that i didn't even know existed? Like because the cancer is no longer localized it will never be curable, except we still have treatment options to arrest it so its not considered terminal... Still processing that.

I find myself counting the potential years left with my husband, like if he lives 3 more years our son will be 10 and that's better than 7 but he won't have a dad to turn to as a teen and a boy needs his dad during that time... And our daughter will never have anyone in her corner like her father because she and I are too much alike, but my husband knows how to let stuff ride and somehow it works out. She's going to need someone to just wrap her arms around her and not lecture her sometimes. In spite of my efforts, I'll never get it right like my husband does.

I've always been home with the kids. Our whole world will soon be different. The kids won't be able to homeschool, I will have to figure out my place in the workforce as a single parent. I am absolutely petrified.

I don't want to lose my best friend.

I guess I just need to process how frightening last night was. My husband has been battling throat cancer for a year. He's had extensive treatment, including a reconstructive throat surgery in January.

They removed part of his throat responsible for letting him know when he needs to swallow. Its called the epiglotis (now you know you have a thing called an epiglotis, too).

He no longer eats by mouth. We've got that part on lock. He lives a pretty normal life when he feels well enough. By that I just mean We've moved past the heaviness of life with a feeding tube and carried on living as best we can in spite of it.

So there's the back story.

Last night he woke up choking. Thick secretions had obstructed his airway and he was unable to draw enough breathe to clear it. He gasped and choked for a solid 5 minutes, taking in very little air.

He is a pretty stubborn man, in spite of the medical emergency he still faught me to get help.

Finally he was able to clear it enough to begin to cough it out.

We both were shaken. I lay awake for most of the night after, fearing he would have another episode.

I just hate living our life constantly teetering on the brink of an emergency. I have a good attitude many days, but on a day like today I'm feeling sorry for him and a little sorry for me that our life is like this.

Ok, adding to the ever growing list of ways iron infusions drastically changed my life-- Anyone else find their pms symptoms dramatically improved after they straightened out their iron?

I always had predictable cycle and minimal symptoms until about 3 years ago. All the sudden my pms got so intense (and symptoms started happening sooner and sooner in my cycle until for half the month I was a raging b*tch moody irritable and anxious. I chalked it up to perimenopause (I am 40). But it was SO intense.

I had iron infusions 7 weeks ago. I still had moderate symptoms of pms last cycle but they seemed slightly more manageable and i thought gosh kf that'sas good as it gets at least its something. But now I am about a week and a half away from my next period and I feel completely level headed.

I just wonder if anyone was misdiagnosed with ppmd or something similar but it ended up being low iron.

I am cautiously optimistic.

My husband became PEG tube dependent after his second battle with cancer (still fighting!) We recently started an Instagram account dedicated to sharing information about tubefeeding and inspiration. When we first learned he would lose his ability to eat by mouth, I felt my world shrink down (his too). We felt an incredible sense of loss of identity. So much of our social life centered around food. But we first adapted, and now my husband is thriving. I feel passionately about being able to deliver whole, real foods into his system to nourish him duing his most vital time. My hope is our page will help others in our shoes, too. I feel powerless in a lot of areas about my husband's cancer. But this is one area I feel like I have an active role in his healing and recovery. Feel free to check out our page: BlendCraftKitchen.

My husband became PEG tube dependent after his second battle with cancer (still fighting!) We recently started an Instagram account dedicated to sharing information about tubefeeding and inspiration. When we first learned he would lose his ability to eat by mouth, I felt my world shrink down (his too). We felt an incredible sense of loss of identity. So much of our social life centered around food. But we first adapted, and now my husband is thriving. I feel passionately about being able to deliver whole, real foods into his system to nourish him duing this most vital time. My hope is our page will help others in our shoes, too. I feel powerless in a lot of areas about my husband's cancer. But this is one area I feel like I have an active role in his healing and recovery. Feel free to check out our page: BlendCraftKitchen.

My husband became PEG tube dependent after his second battle with cancer (still fighting!) We recently started an Instagram account dedicated to sharing information about tubefeeding and inspiration.

When we first learned he would lose his ability to eat by mouth, I felt my world shrink down (his too). We felt an incredible sense of loss of identity. So much of our social life centered around food.

But we first adapted, and now my husband is thriving.

I feel passionately about being able to deliver whole, real foods into his system to nourish him duing his most vital time.

My hope is our page will help others in our shoes, too.

I feel powerless in a lot of areas about my husband's cancer. But this is one area I feel like I have an active role in his healing and recovery.

Feel free to check out our page: BlendCraftKitchen.

Not sure exactly what to say here except we woke up feeling pretty discouraged. Our Oncologist called at 5:30pm yesterday and asked to speak with us both. I just had this pit in my stomach. Our 3 month post treatment PET scan showed another mass. Not huge. But its going to mean more treatment. We don't know much yet. They still have to biopsy. And then come up with a treatment plan. We are just starting to get some version of our "normal" back. My husband has been working so hard to heal from this, he's been through nine grueling months of chemo, immunotherapy, invasive surgery, more chemo, re-irradiation, and more immunotherapy. I know he feels like its all for not right now and I'm not accustomed to him feeling defeated. I know we'll get our game faces on and get to work on it but we were enjoying these past few weeks so much, starting to feel like we weren't in survival mode.

Getting VERY personal here, but anyone else's sex drive randomly turn back on once their iron stores replenished?

I've been married to my husband 17 years. We had an active personal life prior to having our first kid. Long story short, I hemorrhaged during delivery and required 2 pints of blood during emergency surgery. I struggled with low iron since. I also struggled with low energy and low interest in sex. I really thought it was just being a new mom... and then i thought it was being in my late 30's, then I thought it was being married for so long... We still have sex, it just quit being all that exciting.

But I finally got iron infusions and I feel like i am getting my life back... One unexpected perk is all the sudden sex sounds interesting and fun.

Anyone else feel like they are getting all of themselves back after getting their iron in check?

Please tell me it lasts? These past few weeks have been great for our marriage.

I just had 4 of 5 Venofer Iron infusions, spread out 1 week at a time. I don't have a history of bipolar disorder. But I have always struggled with anxiety/depression.

The week of my 2nd iron infusion i started feeling incredible. Less need for sleep, woke up ready for the day, outlook on life was great, energy to exercise and do housework...

But then it started feeling "uncomfortably" good. My thoughts raced a little. I felt like I was being propelled by a motor a little bit.

A few days of that and it dipped back down to feeling a little blue. I chalked it up to my body adjusting to the massive shifts of being able to breath at a cellular level again.

But now I am dealing with these things again for the past 3 or 4 days. The first 2 days I felt great, like myself except with more energy. But now it is uncomfortable again.

I just want to feel normal.

Has anyone else experienced this with iron infusions? I've read it can be a thing, but usually with ppl who have predispositions to bipolar disorder. I've never struggled with this before.

My husband is PEG tube dependent after battling throat cancer twice. We choose to blenderize his meals (he bolus feeds) and we recently started an Instagram page to bring awareness to blenderized meal prep.

We've noticed how curious our friends and family are about how we manage. It just feels like normal life to us? But we get a lot of questions about what he eats and how.

I realize everyone's journey is unique. Not everyone bolus feeds, and not everyone chooses to blenderize whole foods.

But if you do, or you know someone who does, we'd love for you to say hello on our page.

https://www.instagram.com/blendcraftkitchen?igsh=MWh2cTB6N3J2Nmxnbg==

u/BlendCraftKitchen

I just received my 4th of 5 Venofer infusions. My Hematologist follow up isn't scheduled for another 6 weeks. Probably ultimately this is a question for my Hematologist, but for those who have already been there done that... When does your doctor start having you begin oral supplements again post infusion? And what level should I expect my ferritin to read after I've received my last infusion?

Hello-- My husband had an invasive surgery in January which included a partial glossectomy, radical neck dissection, free flap reconstruction, etc.

He had a follow up with his reconstructive surgeon today and overall his surgeon is incredibly pleased with his progress. He stated he feels he is way ahead of the curve (hard to imagine because some days are still very hard).

But he did say there is lymphedema at the neck. (It looks like he swallowed a baseball and it got stuck at the surgery site). Its been that way since swelling started to go down everywhere else about 2 months post op. We just assumed it was part of the permanent package that comes with such a big procedure.

We got a referral to PT but there is a 2 1/2 month wait to see them.

Has anyone experienced this? Do you know how to message to assist with the swelling? Any other suggestions for dealing with lymphedema at the neck site?

Thank you very much.

Had all the symptoms of anemia but drs never checked ferritin, only hemoglobin which read moderately low. This has been going on for years. I finally got a new pcp and she did a full panel. Turns out my ferritin is 2.6.

Just did my first iron infusion today and I am very hopeful that it will be life changing.

I don't know how to say this without sounding vain. But I am having a difficult time holding onto the belief that someday my husband is going to bounce back and contribute to our marriage in a more complete way again.

My spouse has been through H*ll with Head and Neck cancer treatment. And I have been there through it all with him. We have 2 kids, 7 and 11. I just feel like I am doing it all alone sometimes. Parenting them, caretaking for him, trying to be grateful for the "normal" moments with my kids but instead I find myself so resentful when I come home and he needs me. And i feel isolated because cancer has been the all consuming topic for a year now, it feels like every move we make throughout the day is dictated by how it will effect my husband in the short or long term.

I don't have anyone to turn to and say damn this sucks. (I do have friends who will answer the phone, just not anyone who gets the weight of this feeling.) My daughter and I had bronchitis 3 weeks ago but my husband was also detoxing from serious opioid pain medication on top of continuing to recover from cancer treatment. I really needed to be in bed but he also needed hydration through his feeding tube, to have his vitals checked, to have his meds crushed and administered, to have blankets and socks and hoodies taken on and off and his back rubbed from body aches, and still tend to my sick daughter... I just feel like my needs aren't even registering. I think i was further irked when he said it's just a little chest cold. (Yup, I can't compete with cancer but damn my pain is still my own when I can't breathe and feel like h*ll).

Cancer has put his body through so many changes, he hasn't had teeth in 6 months due to invasive surgery, his voice and speech are massively affected, he isn't as sharp or bright due in part to pain meds and brain fog.

My husband is just a shell of a person right now and it has taken a toll on us.

I don't need to hear how bad I suck. I know the vows I took when I married him 16 years ago and I know this isn't the only thing our marriage has overcome but it feels like its having the largest impact. I just need to know it will get better, that I'm not a monster for having unmet needs right now, or for saying it is truly hard adjusting to the physical changes cancer has put my husband through.

I know these types of posts are a dime a dozen. I apologize in advance for being one of them. We did our best. Truly so.

My son (then age 4) won a goldfish at a local carnival 3 years ago. We bought the Lil fella a 10 gallon tank and a buddy because we read they were communal. A few months ago we upgraded them to a 20 gallon tank with all the necessary accessories to ensure they thrived. Except 20 gallons is not near big enough and we just dont have the means or the space for the recommended 50+ gallon tank they truly require and deserve.

I haven't broken the news to my son. These were his first pets, he has shown a great amount of responsibility with them and cares deeply about them.

I am considering rehoming--to the right home. Is anyone interested and available to take two common goldfish with a promise to continue to give them as much love as my son has shown them?

We are willing to travel within the Los Angeles/San Diego/Riverside/Orange County area to deliver if necessary.

I am also open to alternative suggestions. Its not that we don't want to keep them, we just cannot offer a large enough space for them to truly thrive much longer.