Advice for message with partner
A person I have been talking to for 6 months has for the last month been completely emotionally closed off, and I have been trying to navigate space, communication, and effort. I feel as though whether I take space, show up for time with her in her discord community, or make an effort to communicate I am not doing the right thing and I feel a bit helpless in the situation and it's starting to take a toll on my mental health. I care about her deeply and I just want to understand how best to navigate and communicate with her.
I have a message I've written about a million times over that has been stuck in my drafts that I would like to send to her, but I am unsure if it is the best move. If you have the capacity to read it through and give honest feedback I am an open book and open to suggestions. I appreciate your time.
Context: We had a very vulnerable connection that felt sweet and soft and we spent every night on the phone together. She is in contact with her ex and I was with mine - boundaries were discussed and we were both verbally on the same page until an interaction with my ex occurred when I notified her (ex) that I would be removing her from social media but keeping our text line open. I communicated that this was a boundary that was communicated by the person I was talking to instead of saying that it was my boundary, and my ex attacked the person I'm talking to's (CD) appearance. CD stated that they did not appreciate the way I communicated the boundary and has since been extremely emotionally removed, we no longer spend any 1 on 1 time together- instead only talking in voice calls with multiple people present, and well the rest is addressed in my message which I'll put below.
* TEXT DRAFT: Please wait to read this until you have the capacity to receive my words with patience and compassion, not because you feel obligated to.
I feel like a lot of the time I’ve tried to communicate to you in the past month and a half I’ve either not gotten a response, or been met with a partial exhausted, annoyed answer and it’s been hard to sit with. I understand that that may be the intention, whether actively or not.
The last time we properly spoke you communicated that you don’t have the capacity for a relationship right now, and that based on the hurt I’ve caused, you aren't sure where things stand and that you’re not in a hurry or place where you want to figure that out. I respect that, and I understand it.
What I don’t respect is being made to feel like I’m expected to show up and put in effort while being met with distance, annoyance, and bare-minimum effort back. When there are rare moments for us to connect 1-on-1, choosing to stay in group calls instead makes me feel like an afterthought. I’m not asking for all your time every day, and I’m not trying to pressure you into anything you don't have the space for. I just miss the kindness and connection we used to have, and it hurts feeling like I'm tolerated rather than cared about. Whether it’s one night a week, or a phone while you’re in the shower before we hop in discord, I feel like there is plenty of time- but you don’t make the effort to spend time with me.
I care about you deeply and I don't want to push you away, and I’ve been scared about sending any kind of emotional message to you. Feeling completely shut out and like I’m someone that is tolerated by someone I want to share an emotional connection with is messing with my mental health. If you don’t feel anything anymore, and you don’t want me pursuing you that’s okay just communicate that to me. Being in the dark and getting dogged on every day is not something I can continue doing for my own mental health. *