u/Weak-Tree6437

That's it. Years ago, for probably 2-3 years I felt the want to leave. This person isn't safe, this isn't normal, I never have these issues with others. My mistake was expressing my confusion to them, so they could gaslight me saying "Actually it's normal. You're wrong and shallow for wanting no conflict in a friendship".

I really should've trusted my gut. I say this was a good learning experience, but nah. This was just traumatic.

Hi, I've posted here recently already, sorry about that sorta circling the drain! I don't have BPD, but my ex best friend of 4-5 years did. I never knew until afterwards, and now I feel regret for being unaware. So, my question is are healthy stable relationships possible without treatment when someone has BPD? (I'm sure it is, but I mean like, realistically) They got diagnosed the last year I knew them far as I know.

They never had BPD specific treatment, according to my friend who was told they have BPD while still friends. And I'm just sort of wondering if there was feasibly anything I could've done without knowing, and without them having assistance. Because I think I just made things worse for them. Things deteriorated a lot over the years, especially the last year, and I just had no idea why. I don't feel I had the right to know, but having them see me panic and cry about not understanding what was different between us was hurtful in retrospect. But I feel like I made their symptoms worse.

Sorry if any of this was insensitive, I'm just trying to understand better, so I can process and move on with more knowledge. Hopefully if another person I love has BPD someday, I can do better with the right tools.

I really wish I knew they had BPD when I knew them. I only found out after I left. Given their feelings for me, I doubt it would've ended well anyways, I could never give them what they wanted from me. But I really wish I had that real opportunity to do right by them.

It is what it is, I guess. I'll telepathically try to tell them someone in the world loves them, despite it all. And I'll try to move on, and give this pent up love to people I still have beside me, and who I'll meet someday. Trauma bonds are so confusing.

Preface with it was a friendship, where they were obsessively in love with me. 4-5 years of them not taking a no for an answer, kind of slowly forcing me into a relationship role.

So. During my time I knew them, near the end, when it got worse, I felt little to no warm love for them. Not the fuzzy warm love I typically have. I only felt that after I cut them off. After they were gone, I've been feeling regret for that in the months I've been away. But I realised I loved them just the same, except there was no room for me to love them tenderly.

For one, I didn't want to lead them on. As much as I wanted to compliment them, boost their confidence, I couldn't lead them on. And two, all my love for them was entirely occupied to their multiple crisises. My love was poured into sleepless nights so they stayed alive, to navigating arguments without being sarcastic, or rude, or snappy. To pushing my own limits for years straight. And only after could I finally feel the love tenderly. Only in retrospect, only with them gone.

Feels like such a waste. I still want them to know I love them, even after I saw the worst of them. I wish I could've made sure they knew before I left. But that's impossible. But I'm glad I didn't take them for granted like I've been thinking. It just wasn't obvious love, it was the kind of love that was poured into work, into being there. I do still care deeply for them, even as a flawed person who knew what they did to me, deep down. I hope they heal, even if I doubt it.

8 months since I cut them off. Absolutely the right choice. I got very busy immediately after. I've had some time off for the first time since, and I've found myself taking steps backwards. I'm less over them and what they did to me than I thought.

I'm forgetting the way they ruled my entire life. How they destroyed my mental health. All my mind and heart reminds me of is the feeling of someone always interested in me, because they were never GOOD to me, it must've been the attention I enjoyed. I know I hated how they treated me, I know even the attention I feel I crave made me anxious and feel suffocated in reality. But I still miss them.

It's odd. I went to therapy, got new hobbies, met new people, dove into school and work. I really thought I was over them, and now I realise I wasn't. I even dreamt of them last night. I didn't even dream of them once in the 4-5 years of knowing them. I'll be doing normal things; getting a drink, watching something, and just wish they could be here. That I could buy them things, watch movies with them, play games.

I just find myself wishing I could go back. That they'd message me, we'd forget the past, and I could be friends with them again. I just don't understand why I feel that way? I have so many healthier, kinder people I could invest this energy into. Why do I miss them? So long later?

TLDR; no idea why I still miss them and love them. Why I want them to contact me when I have plenty of great people around me already.