u/Weary-Swan4639

I signed up super late to the registration and I am an incoming U1 student for Anthropology and was able to only select 300-level courses

There was no error during the registration telling me I can’t take these courses but I go on the website and it says I need permission from the prof to take these courses

How do I do so?

I have been openly gay since I've been about 12. Last summer, one of my good friends with a girlfriend came out to me, or rather insinuated that he was closeted then told me that no one knew. I always enjoyed his presence and found myself constantly gravitating towards him. There was this moment in class where our arms were grazing against each other and I held myself in that moment because I never realized how much comfort I felt in talking to him.

The next two weeks after he "came out" were just mixed with some of the most intense sexual energy coming from his part, and strange moments of tenderness (Him asking to see my poetry, him innocently teasing me, me asking questions about him, etc). It was never consummated. I got mad one day that he left me on delivered after we got into a stupid fight over text so I blocked him and sent him an entire paragraph about how what he was doing to his girlfriend was fucked. Fast-forward a week later I'm at the bar and I get a tarot card reading from a "psychic" who tells me to tell him how I feel. I do so, then get hit with denial on his part. He blocks me. He unblocks me after breaking up with his girlfriend then sends me a paragraph telling me to stop spreading rumours about him when the truth is I only told four people in confidence-- and I'm assuming it got back to him.

I love him. I really do. He was my first love. Except at the same time I need to know my worth. I don't think love will ever make you undermine yourself. The sorry state of the gay dating scene makes it seem like everything is about sex when I'm just truthfully a very romantic person. Sometimes I wonder whether what he felt for me. Except I know I can't do that anymore. There's not really a point to this post I just needed to vent. It's been a year and I still think of him-- I wonder what it would be like if he was here with me when I'm doing karaoke, I wonder what it would be like if he was here with me at my Persian community meetings, I wonder what it would have been like if we had gotten married or if he still would come running back to me. God, I feel like such a loser. He's lying on my name to all his friends. And I can't do that to myself anymore. I love him and I still want him, but I don't deserve this.

I would like perspective from the closeted men on this subreddit. Have you ever fallen in love? How would you treat your boyfriend? Would you ever come out for him?