Trauma from a relationship
Hey, I could use some help deciding what to do about my situation. About a year ago, I had a very strange relationship with a good friend of mine. He used to touch me while I was 'sleeping' without my consent. I would completely freeze up, unable to say anything, and I ended up going home crying every time because I couldn’t manage to stop it. I tried to keep my distance and told him he had gone too far, but he just got angry and upset if I didn't come over. He was struggling a lot during this period and I was the only person he had, so I felt responsible for him and couldn't leave. He also blamed me for a lot of other things; he got angry and 'yelled' at me almost every day, and 'ranted' at me. This resulted in me being physically unable to talk to him because I became too afraid of him. This went on for about six months, and I became very depressed.
This has later affected the relationship I'm in now. It took me a long time to be able to relax around my current boyfriend because my body was 'testing him' to see if he would do anything. I also became afraid to ask him things; I physically couldn't get the words out and would freeze up because I was scared he would get angry too—even though he has never given me a reason to think he would. My current boyfriend is the former best friend of the guy I had that strange relationship with. They had a falling out after I got together with my current boyfriend.
Now they’ve started talking again, and I can see that my boyfriend wants his friendship back. It destroys me to see the person I love most trying to be friends with the person I hate most of all. All the feelings I had during that six-month period are coming back, just as I had finally started to forget. It hurts, and I get small panic attacks every time I think about it. We are all in the same friend group. What should I do? I don't want to ruin their friendship once again by telling my boyfriend what the other guy did and how it makes me feel.