Idk why but I notice a pattern: that I struggle to eat enough food throughout the week and my anhedonia is constant. Then I hit a point where I eat all the missing calories in a short period. For the next 24 hours or so my anhedonia will lift. I can feel things again. But it doesn’t last even if I keep eating. It also could be stress because I eat less when stressed.
I have stress induced melancholic depression (anhedonia). I just graduated college and started an engineering job however I am severely struggling to function. It’s really hard for me to focus, recall facts, or talk to people as I am completely numb. It is humiliating because everyone around me is functioning normal and I can barely form sentences or hold eye contact. I’m falling behind on my work and trying not to let it show. I’m fucking trying to keep up and act normal but it’s so fucking hard when you feel numb and unable to focus. It’s a living hell.
A close family member of mine has a very similar depression and has remained functional somehow for many years. They take a pretty high dose of a stimulant to keep them functioning at work and sleep medication to sleep at night. They also have told me that if I quit it won’t fix the depression and they would consider me non-functional and unable to stay at their house if I quit. I know they want the best for me but it’s so fucking hard to act normal and be productive.
I’m starting the stimulant but it’s not doing much as it’s a very low dose. If I quit I’m severely stunting my career. I know people say to take time off to get treatment but depression doesnt work like that. I’m going to feel the same after treatment. I already fucking tried taking a break and doing tms, ketamine and a number of ssri/snri’s. The next step is ect, tricyclic, or upping my stimulant. But those all take large amounts of time.
So I feel severely stuck and try to act like nothing is wrong.
One of the most obvious symptoms I get is a weird battery taste in my mouth. It isn’t always there but when the anhedonia is worse, the taste is there. I did some reading and some people have reported this. Possibly a vitamin deficiency, inflammation, or just another symptom of depression. Wanted to see if anybody else has experienced this?