u/Weird3355

I have a family member who works remote, corporate, marketing-ish position, I think its kind of a startup, maybe beyond that stage, but definitely a growing company. She works like 80-90 hours every week and doesn't seem to have any time off like FMLA or vacation, sick leave etc. She also works a lot of weekends (but not every weekend). She makes good money, but the lack of any kind of leave is crazy to me. How is that even legal?

She says she is "in meetings all day" but what could a person possibly need to meet about that often? From what I've read those kinds of hours are normal in startups, but I'm totally flabbergasted as to what could possibly to take up that amount of time. She can't even take a few hours off in the afternoon, on a Friday, in the summer, to take a family member to an appointment. On a Friday afternoon! In the summer! (yes, that's why I'm asking, because I now have to take off work to go to the appt, even though I'm several hours away and she's much closer).

I have worked in private and public mid level professional roles my whole career, and I have never seen anything like this. I work remote as well, but I have a lot more flexibility than she does, even when I have a big project where I need to work extra hours. I don't want to accuse her of making up excuses because I really don't think that's it, but I cannot fathom why someone would be in meetings all day every day, and/or why they would need to work 80+ hours a week.

Can someone who has worked at these growing/startup kinds of businesses explain this to me? I really want to understand. How do people start families with that kind of schedule? How can a company expect that level of productivity week after week? Why do people put up with it? There has to be some explanation.

Thank you in advance!

My 14 year old daughter is a wonderful person, vibrant, artistic and fun. She's healthy and active and has lots of friends. Up until 3 months ago she was very confident about her changing body. That seems to have changed since she became close friends with a girl in her class who's family recently moved to the area. My daughter's concerns about her body have coincided with her telling me that this friend's mom has been making negative body comments in front of her, sometimes directly about my daughter's body. In our family we intentionally don't comment on other people's bodies, because we want to promote positive body image. This friend's mom seems to take an opposite approach.

The first instance I know about is when the friend's mom told my daughter she should stop eating candy or she'll be fat and get diabetes, and then laughed at her. The mom also gets very pushy about how much everyone should eat during meal times. I've noticed that when my daughter comes home from this friend's house she is not eating later that day, even when I've made her favorite foods. My daughter told me that her friend had a rapid weight loss epidode last year and her mom is even more aggressive with the friend about her eating habits (trying to get her to eat less by making fun of her). The friend is very thin already.

More recently this friend's mom told my daughter that her legs are "gross" because she doesn't shave them. My daughter can shave if she wants and I'll help her learn, she has never had any interest before. She says now she feels so uncomfortable having people see her legs this summer even if she shaves, because people may not like her legs.

This morning I told my daughter I'm concerned that this friend's mom is not a good influence, and she answered back that she knows "most of what they say is joking" and then left the house to go to school. I'm sure she's feeling a lot of complicated emotions because she really likes this new friend, they have many hobbies in common and she enjoys her company.

I'm open to ideas on how to handle this. I don't want to ban her from going to the friend's house, because I want her to be able to handle her own battles. On the other hand, I'm worried that she's at an age where she's really susceptible to developing negative attitudes about her body and I don't want that to happen. Should I talk to the other mom? Should I try to make it so that her friend hangs out here more, like her other friends like to do? My heart just hurts for my daughter and I want to handle this correctly. Appreciate any advice!