u/WhatNazisAreLike

This conversation between Jezal and Glokta. Glokta was already growing disloyal an hour after Bayaz left.

>“Perhaps, in time, funds could be found for some small project. Our friend cannot see everything, after all, and what he does not see will do no harm. I am sure between the two of us, quietly… we could do some little good. But not yet.”

The infamous magic torture scene hits different when you realize just how much stock Bayaz put in the crippled liar

>“I would like you, in fact, to do as he says.”

>A cold knot of anger pressed at Jezal’s throat. “You would have me, in effect… obey him?” Bayaz’ eyes did not deviate from his own.

>“In effect… yes.”

And finally, for all the Leo haters.

>“There has been enough bloodshed. Far more than enough. Release Lord Brock’s children.” There were several sharp intakes of breath around the table. “Allow them to join their father, or remain in the Union as private citizens, as they desire.” Bayaz glared balefully from the far end of the room, but the king did not appear intimidated. “The war is over. We won.”

Any first law character is fair game. And explain why if you have time.

Fuck: Selest Dan Heugen. A hot but insufferable redhead. Also might be a thousand year old radioactive demon

Marry: Shylo Vitari. One of the only characters shown to be in a loving relationship, and still hot enough to disguise herself as one of the world's most expensive prostitutes in Cardotti's

Kill: The bald bastard

Immortal/magic characters counted separately from non immortal ones.

Murder (modern legal definition of murder):

Magic: Ferro. She was involved with the Seed plus all the random people in Gurkhul. Could also be Glaustrod since his use of the seed was on a much larger city.

Non-Magic. Ninefingers!

Sex:

Magic: Cawneil. She seems like the only wizard type of character who's still interested in humanity's pastime, since she flirted with Jezal. Although we never actually see her have sex, if you do the math she's probably done it a lot. The one we know for sure is Bayaz since he's had at least two exes (Cawneil and Tolomei)

Non-Magic: Any of the 'degenerate noble' stock characters could have this title, but it's probably Orso

The only reason he "won" in the first books is because he found a WMD in his shed. Without that, he'd be dinner for the prophet. That's not skill, it's luck. After that, he loses power and influence in every single book (other than The Heroes) after that through his poor decisions.

The most obvious mistake is he chose Glokta to have complete and ultimate power. First of all, is completely immune to any sort of torture or intimidation due to his time in the Gurkish prisons, and second of all, has betrayed anyone he has ever worked for. Bayaz also revealed his secrets including his control over the banks in a villain speech to this disloyal individual. Within a day or so of leaving Glokta was already planning on removing the banks and by the end of the series, nearly all of his infrastructure is gone. He should have just let someone incompetent but harmless (Jezal!) run things.

Other major Bayaz L's

• Lost Styria to Monza, and lost three wars trying to get it back.
• Bankrupted a country he controlled to a bank he controlled (???)
• Lost the Far Country to the Old Empire
• Spent the whole second trilogy getting in magic fights with his crazy ex while there was a major uprising
• Allowed 3 Gurkish eaters to infiltrate the highest levels of the union and kill his most loyal apprentice

The only other success he had was raising Calder to power in the north. But like the first trilogy, it was based entirely off luck (If Ishri hadn't got tired of pink barbarians and the shitty weather, she would have had her own counter-offer) and he chose an individual with a history of rebelling against powerful people (he wasn't afraid of the man who held his pregnant wife hostage) who would eventually fuck him over too.

All the history stories Bayaz tells about allegedly running the Union from the shadows in years past are about as trustworthy as his stories about Kanedias killing Juvens. In all likelihood, he just took credit for the work of more competent people. The idea of Bayaz being a mastermind manipulator is another lie, just like the idea of him being a kind, Gandalf-like wizard. In reality, he is an incompetent person whose power almost exclusively comes from having OP magic (endless life, unfindable hideout, magic WMDs, can magic torture anyone)

Would love to hear who you guys think are the real life versions of any First Law characters. They could be modern or historical from any time period.

Sorry for bringing politics/current events into it but I read the series during the War in Iran and couldn't help but make parallels

I think Joe completely modeled Bayaz on Dick Cheney. Every aspect of Cheney, from the bald head and smug grin, to the obsession with WMDs, to using false intelligence to start Middle Eastern Wars, to using a dumbass nepo baby (Jezal is DUBYA!) as his puppet is present in Bayaz.

Leo is quite similar to second term Trump in particular, which is crazy because the books were written years before and it seems like he manifested all this stuff. From calling immigrants Eaters to the association with a notorious sex criminal to the newfound love for getting into poorly planned battles and wars. Hell even the Savine romance reeks of Elon in a way.

I don't think Bayaz physically killed Juvens. He purposely pissed off Kanedias, a guy with OP weapons, and Kanedias killed Juvens.

So he is essentially guilty of instigating it but not actually carrying it out.

I don't think I've ever heard this short story collection mentioned, but it's awesome.

You get to see what both ordinary people and Eaters are up to in Gurkhul after the fall of the Prophet. You get to see what went into planning the "Great Change". And of course we get to see Bayaz and Orso right after Jezal's death.

I know this has been done to death, but I just need to say it.

The first 300 pages or so are incredible. The bar scene. His childhood. His life of homelessness in the city. The mythology from his world.

Then, when he gets to wizard school, it turns out to a garbage Harry Potter knockoff with no direction. He ages like 10 years in the first 300 pages and then the rest of the book is semester 1 of wizard school. We get like 5 scenes of him getting into arguments with the "Malfoy" kid. We get like 5 scenes of the strict 'Snape' wizard teacher trying to kick him out. Why this is relevant is unknown. It's like if you took Harry Potter and turned up the wish fulfillment/teenage power fantasy up by 100.

He is also really good at getting adult women to throw themselves at him despite being like 15... not sure why this didn't raise more red flags but I guess people don't care as much if the male is underage??

I, like many others, was tricked by the intro where the author lies and claims the trilogy was already completed in the early 2000s, so I figured despite the book being weird it would have some sort of clever ending. When I saw the book going nowhere, I decided to do some research and sure enough nothing got done.

>!The finale of this book is the main character kills a drugged out dragon. I don't even understand why this was the climax, since you feel bad for the dragon, or why it was relevant at all for the main story.!<

Other than Bayaz. We need some original answers.

For me it's Yoru Sulfur. He's every bit as annoying as his master but a lot less cool. Yes, he kills some Burners that one time, but usually he's just whining "mY mASTER wILL bE vERY uPSET!!!"

Rule: Don't state anything obvious like Bayaz killed Juvens, Ninefingers is supernatural, or any of the other fan theories EVERYONE talks about. You may only state theories you've never seen online before.

Rules: No demons, no long dead ancient characters like Euz, Juvens, or Kanedias. Ninefingers is magical since he can use the spirits to give him information, and can also use them to burn people.

Magical:

Bayaz is the most obvious choice

Ishri. Unpopular opinion, but I think she can take on Bayaz. Being able to teleport with explosives is a very OP power to have, and she's used it to destroy entire cities. It's essentially equivalent to The Seed without having to rely on an unstable demon. Furthermore, we see that she can essentially shape shift and fit in really small spaces which is a good defensive move. Plus she ripped off Sulfur's jaw and ate him.

Also Ferro is up there too, Joe is leaving it to the imagination what exactly she is up to, but man...

Non-Magical:

Since Ninefingers is excluded, I think the title has to go to Gorst. He annihalated tons of the toughest Northmen.

I feel like most of them would vote Trump because due to his hawkish stance against ahem... the followers of the Prophet… and his opposition to them entering the country

With some exceptions. I don’t think Bayaz would support Trump because of how unpredictable and reckless he is despite having similar political views. Bayaz in my mind is wizard Dick Cheney and the real dick Cheney was always anti Trump. Orso and Savine would definitely be “woke” due to their stances on refugees.

>“Leo prodded at his fish. “Just feels like there are too many brown faces around in Adua these days.”

“Too many for what? The people who come here are hard workers. They bring wealth and energy and new ideas. There are great thinkers among them. Great engineers. And how would you stop them, anyway? Make us less prosperous?

Female if you're into girls, male if you're into guys.

Reposting to be more gender neutral, as asking for hot female characters caused some controversy and downvotes

Or hottest male character if that’s what you prefer.

Well, who is it for you?

• Bayaz needs the help of an insane demon who will probably end up killing him to blow up cities.
• Ishri did it twice with just teleportation and Gurkish fire.
• She survived the seed (with some bandages of course)
• She ripped off Yoru Sulfur’s Jaw and ate him
• She can also apparently blow stuff up without even needing explosives (the farmhouse in BSC)

Rikke required the help of Caurib to fully activate her long eye and later to defeat the armies of Calder.

Glokta required the help of three Gurkish eaters to kill Yoru Sulfur and get rid of Bayaz and his influence.

The question is, are these powerful individuals going to want anything in return?

Caurib came back from the dead, and the only other person we’ve seen that happen with was Tolomei, who was sent on a specific mission by the demons to open the door to the other side.

Zuri and her brothers were, from what we can tell, believers in the prophet Khalul. Many people have suspected she is Ishri, and if so, she is a power hungry person who has destroyed entire cities by teleporting with explosives.

What were the biggest warning signs that Bayaz was going to be an evil individual or a puppet master? Did you see it coming?

1. When Logen and Bayaz are leaving the library and Bayaz basically says it’s fine if they burn the library, since Juvens’ words are written in the stone. Not caring at all about the people being burned
2. When Jezal first becomes king, Bayaz advises him to put his foot down and start bossing around the members of the closed council. But when Jezal gets upset he says something like “don’t raise your voice at me, son”