u/Which-Butterfly3457

I’ve been trying online dating, and while I get matches, a surprising number of them never send a message. It makes me wonder if this is just how dating apps work now or if I’m doing something wrong.

On the flip side, one of the few guys who did message me mostly sends long voice messages talking about himself and has never asked me anything about myself. It ends up feeling more like I’m interviewing him than getting to know each other, so that hasn’t felt like a real connection either.

Part of the problem is that I feel really insecure about sending the first message. I guess a part of me worries that if a man is genuinely interested, he’ll reach out first. At the same time, I realize I might be missing out on good conversations because I’m waiting. I also don’t want to feel like I’m chasing someone—I think I’d just like to see equal effort from the beginning.

So I’m wondering:

1. Women, how often do you match with men who never message?

2. Men, do you ever match with someone you’re genuinely interested in but never send a message? If so, why?

3. Do men ever feel the same insecurity about sending the first message, or is that mostly something women experience?

I’m trying to figure out whether this is just normal online dating in 2026 or if I should start getting over my fear of initiating conversations.

My ex repeatedly asks the same questions even after I’ve answered them. When I respond, he often rewords the question and asks again in a slightly different way and threatens me.

I end up feeling like I’m being interrogated rather than having a conversation. No matter how much I explain, it feels like the discussion keeps going until I give the answer he wants to hear. He will continue this a week or more later too if I stop responding after giving my answer.

This has been going on for a long time and I’ve noticed that it creates a lot of anxiety for me. I dread seeing messages because I know I’m likely going to be pulled into another circular conversation.

We have children together and he is supposed to get 5 weeks of visits per year out of state but none have occurred as of yet so I cannot just block him.

For those who have dealt with a difficult ex, how do you handle repeated questioning without getting drawn into endless explanations? How do you protect your peace while still communicating respectfully?