u/Whydoioverthinkzz

I feel like I spend too much of my time thinking about how my face looks, whether my skin looks bad or my pores are noticeable and whether I've gained or lost weight. I go to the gym and try to take care of myself, but sometimes I wonder whether I'm actually doing these things because I enjoy them and want to be active or because I'm scared of not looking good enough.
I also feel like being so self-conscious which makes it harder to fully let people in, be vulnerable and form genuine connections. Did this get better with age or was there something you consciously had to work on? What advice would you give your younger self please?

I've been bullied for 8 years by the same person who I call best friend, her parents were my family friend so I met her in elementary school. We were in the same class and were together all the time. She constantly called me ugly and a loser. Whenever a guy liked me, she'd tell me he only liked me out of pity and would pressure me into being mean to him. She even made me strip in front of her brothers once. I didn't think much of it at the time because we were all kids but looking back, I realize how wrong it was. She also threatened to beat me up several times whenever I didn't listen to her. Our parents thought we were best friends. I never told anyone how badly she was bullying me and just kept it all inside. It completely destroyed my confidence. As I grew up, I genuinely believed I was the ugliest person in every room I went to. Whenever someone asked me out, I assumed they were only doing it out of pity. That's one of the reasons I've never dated anyone, even though I'm 24 now. I used to pretend to be sick just so I wouldn't have to go to school. At one point, my mother suspected something was wrong, but she thought we'd just had a one time fight. She made us hug each other, and my bully acted completely innocent. I cried myself to sleep almost every night. I still struggle with feeling like a loser. I gradually cut her off when I got to high school, and we eventually went our separate ways. She tried contacting me after high school, but I never responded and the funny part is that I actually wanted to reply, I actually missed the friendship we were supposed to have. Now she's a doctor. She has a really sweet best friend (or at least that's how it looks in the stories and videos she posts). Meanwhile, I just got my degree but still working part-time jobs, with no real friends, and I feel like a complete loser. I hate seeing her do so well after all the emotional trauma she put me through. I guess karma doesn't really work. How do you make peace with the fact that your bully never seemed to face any consequences?

I am currently applying for DAAD helmut schmidt scholarship program but I am confused on the letter format especially for recommendations and motivation letter.
Can someone who got through please help me?

Does the academic letter in germany go like

[personal information first]

[university name]

[date]

Subject

Letter

Thanking you
Yours sincerely

Is it like this or is there a different format please help!!