u/Wide-Error-7831

Hi everyone,

As the colder months hit and there are no more holidays left to book off work, things have felt really bleak and repetitive lately.

I've honestly never really received any sort of mail like this in my life (unless it’s companies sending vouchers or coupons off if I spend £500 or more). I recently joined Postcrossing, but it is such a slow process. I have sent out cards and waiting to eventually receive some back.

I’ve stumbled across this forum and I think it’s so lovely. I would love to receive some mail from people around the world sharing random thoughts, daily life, a favorite joke, or how you manage to keep going through the coldness and grey weather.

My interests revolve around vintage items, wild street foxes, watercolour art, crochet, Victorian aesthetics, or kawaii stationery if you happen to match that vibe, but honestly anything is something I would deeply appreciate.

If you'd like to send a little card, drop a comment below and I'll send you a message. Thank you :)

F: I have a thing that’s bothering me love

M: What have I done now?

F: I want to share a thing with you because you are my comfort and I respect your opinion.

M: Tell me then? Make it quick I have my own thing going on.

F: Ok… Ok.. let me make this quick… actually I don’t think I really think. Let’s leave it as it is, I’ll figure out my thing alone.

M: No, now you’ve got me intrigued. And I can’t focus on my thing, because your thing now piques my interest.

F: But I can’t say what I want on a borrowed moment that ticks as I speak.

M: See, I do want to listen? But you always make it a thing.

Remember the good.
You utter those words with an anxious affliction.

But the good is why I forgave without an apology.

The good is why I remained even when you hurt me.

The good is why I carried hope,
wondering when the day would come when you finally saw me.

The good is why I carried a heavy stone in my heart, while smiling through your:
“You are too much!"

The good is why I stayed past all the failures and shortcomings.

The good is why I listened with a tender heart and an open mind whenever you reached for me.

But now you’ve taken away the good, too?
So when you ask me to remember the good in this connection,
all I see is the old me.

I once was a happy girl.

Then I met a guy so perfect,
and I was a happy, loved soul.

Then slowly, the perfect showed his scars.
And those scars became mine to hold.

I held them so deeply,
until the scars started burning through me.

Those scars never held me;
They only held a mirror to my face in my moments of despair.

I blamed the scars, not the man.
But even that started betraying me.

Lonely nights blaming myself.
You say it “takes two to tango,”
but I only see one who stands up and takes action.

And I think you took that as a sign
to shift your blame onto my name.
While I just wanted to take your pain away.

And that’s where our disconnect truly lies.

For you, it’s an image to maintain.
Morning tea: tick.
Kind words: tick.
Forced active listening: tick.
“What more does she want? She’s being impossible.”

But you see, for me, it’s words to honor and live by.
Consistency is my tea.
Kindness runs in my veins,
and listening to my loved one isn’t a limited currency.

So now I am a wise woman, because I once loved a man too deeply.

You say sorry.
You say, “I will change”.

The statement alone is an injustice.

What about my wasted years?

The amount of "I am sorry" that left my mouth, only because you refused to see your part in the destruction of my soul.

Once, I was me.
And then you came, and bit by bit,
plucked it all away.

Now "she’s crazy"?

Promises made,
so easily broken.

Words so quickly curated
to keep me in a cage that serves your ego.

A vision sold
to manipulate me.

An experience so small
that I became too much.

You ask... where have you gone?

Look a little deeper.
I am in you.
The favors, the endless chatter,
the bridge between "I’m ruined" and "she made it better."

My heart, once open,
is now hardened.
Wondering when the next lie settles in my mind as the absolute truth while it’s just your denial.

To see it all as it really was.

I was a giver until you took without care,
and I have no more to give.

Now I continue with a heavy heart.
My soul does not rest.

So what about my wasted years?
But it no longer wants your answers.