u/Wild_Shock_6740

I (29F) had been talking to a guy (28M) on a dating app for 4-5 days and we planned a date for yesterday. Up to the date we would talk a lot on instagram and send many voice notes. I must admit that even though I would respond quickly and warmly I started feeling tired by all this constant conversation which ended up being meaningless at some point. In all these days, he gave me the impression that he liked having someone to talk to (no matter who this person was) and that he felt lonely overall.

On the date, I had the same impression I had before we met. He seemed to be interested in getting to know me but only superficially. Like he would ask questions but only to start a conversation and then he would start talking mostly about him and the things he liked without reading the room. Towards the end of the date, he asked what’s the younger I’d date. I said around 26 because any younger than that would be weird. He admitted that almost a month ago he was seeing a 19 year old girl!! The reason things didn’t move forward was because SHE didn’t want to, not him. That felt so off putting and alarming to me and by the end of the date I was sure I didn’t want to see him again. He seemed worried that I lost interest but at this point I just didn’t care.

I walked him to his car and went back home. Less than 10 minutes after, he sends me a voice note while driving. He said he was afraid a second date isn’t happening in a disappointed voice. I didn’t even have the time to answer and there’s another voice note saying that maybe he misunderstood things. I messaged him that we’re not a good match and we’re not in the same mental place to start something more meaningful.

And then all hell broke loose. He sent me multiple voice notes (still while driving) trying to convince me to give him another chance and that it is unfair of me to presume he doesn’t want anything serious with me. I clarified that I’m not debating he doesn’t want anything serious but rather that he still needs to work on himself before he tries to have a relationship. I had to explain myself at least 3 times until I sent him a voice note myself saying that I don’t appreciate him pressuring me into giving him a second chance and that I want him to stop. He sent a final voice note saying that I’ve been telling him bullshit all this time, I’m immature and deeply insecure and that this is why I’ve been single for so long. I wished him good night and then he blocked me.

My question is, should I have skipped the “you’re not ready for a relationship” part? Was it too harsh to say to someone? I know his response was even worse but I’m just wondering what I could have done differently.

I (29F) had been friends with C (40F) since our masters degree. The friendship lasted around 5 years. We had never been best friends and I knew that. In fact, that was never my goal because although I deeply valued our friendship, I knew we weren’t compatible in many areas due to our age gap (for example how often and where we’d go out). For the sake of the story, she was also single and childless like me.

I took up photography 3 years ago and actually became good at it to the point I’d get published and help my friends out (like taking pictures at parties/ events they’d host for them to use in their social media). I helped her too by doing two separate photoshoots for her business in summer 2025 without any reimbursement at all (I truly wanted to help because I loved her and understood she didn’t have much money due to her business being new). Also, I had helped her A LOT with her thesis during our masters because she was at a loss (we would do regular phone calls and some meet-ups).

Fast forward to December 2025 I had a group exhibition presenting my big project which was huge for me. Nothing fancy, but it mattered. She didn’t show up neither at the opening nor at the rest of the four days of the exhibition. I even messaged her to remind her how long the exhibition would last and she only gave me a thumbs up reaction. I was so disappointed. I wanted to tell her but didn’t want to do it over the phone so I was waiting for us to meet and then tell her.

But we never actually met. We were planning to meet after the Christmas holidays but she kept postponing (did it at least twice and the third time we were finally able to set a date she let me know that she might cancel because of a friend’s birthday). During this time we would speak on the phone and I would get a little upset every time she’d say she met a friend because I felt neglected. One time, I playfully said that she never goes out for wine with me (she later admitted she didn’t like this comment). Childish of me. I know.

Fast forward to me finally telling her how I felt through the phone. I told her about the exhibition. How I felt ignored that she would cancel and wouldn’t spend time with me (I brought up more examples that I haven’t mentioned here). She became defensive. She said she doesn’t understand why I feel this way because she couldn’t care less if somebody cancelled on her no matter how many times. She said she felt pressured and that I should take it easy. She reminded me we’re not best friends and that I shouldn’t be having expectations from her. I said that I never considered her a best friend but that this doesn’t matter, friends become priority some times despite not being “besties”. However, she did apologize a lot about the exhibition and said she’ll come to the next one.

That was three months ago. She only messaged me once two months ago to tell me something silly and again a few days ago for a very quick check-in. No phone call, no hangout. I haven’t tried to contact her since, only to respond to her messages.

I need perspective on this. I know that I should have handled it differently like not making passive aggressive comments. But I was so sad! It was taking so long to meet and I was keeping everything to myself until we met. I was so frustrated. I do want your honest opinions on this and what you would/ would have done differently.