The One That Got Away

Since I find it difficult to write about my experience in detail (honestly there's just too much to share) poetry is often an easier outlet. I figured I'd start this community off with something I wrote just before father's day....

To whom it may concern,

My childhood was extraordinary. Fairy moss daydreams, the trickle of ice cold water in the spring, rolling pastures brushed by thick summer air, bird feathers and braided horse hair, rocks of magic and mystery, the quiet comfort of an empty forest, waterfalls coated in fallen leaves rushing, deathly quiet evenings muffled in snow that make your fingers and toes numb, only to be brought back to life by the crackle of a wood stove. The smell of roses and grammy’s oatmeal cookies, a diet coke, and the crunch of crispy lettuce in a tuna sandwich live in my memory.

It’s hard for me to say that my childhood was difficult. I was raised wild, surrounded by siblings, animals, and hard work. But pained by a persistent loneliness. Voices gathered in the tall chapel ceilings, the smell of incense loomed, and my father’s stern presence maintained our obedience. 

A passive mother, kind but empty. A strong father, interesting but unpredictable. Volatility lived with us in our home. Passivity was its roommate. Chaos simmered in the hallways, cries went unattended to, left to burn out like a short wick. Smothered quickly if heavy feet approached. 

A knot in my throat developed early, hard and impossible to swallow. A father’s emotions felt like my responsibility. “Must keep the home afloat and steer clear of choppy waters.” Steadfast I attempted to wield justice where I could, carrying a weight that was far too heavy for such a small girl. Barefoot and determined to be three times larger than I was. No one would hurt the people I loved, and loved my Father, I did. 

Baby brother quiet and shy, underneath bubbles boiled and steam shot out, like the geysers in Yellowstone. Held him close to my breast the best I could, sheltering him from the storms. His hand in mine we weathered our fear, supporting one another like the A frame of a barn that burned. Amidst the ash and rubble, the smell of smoke thick with rain, I walked away. 

Swing batter batter, swing. A crack of the bat to build a life that prioritized stillness. I knew peace existed, I felt it in my loneliness. Swing and a miss? I did, but I did not give up. Thunder snapped, crackled, and popped, the ground shook, and I emerged. Vulnerable and raw, but only I knew the fragility of my bones. Just as the ocean clashes against blocks of granite, I refuse to erode.

Today I sit, writing this. I don’t know how to merge the two worlds even if I wanted to. A lack of love was never the problem, survival was. 

To whom it may concern, 

Why?

Why can you not look in the mirror and choose love over shame? We both know what you did well, and what you didn’t, and I loved you anyway. Does your shadow scare you more than it inspires?  I suppose I don’t need to see your reaction to my art in order to know I created it.

Sincerely,

The one that got away

reddit.com
u/Winter_One_4085 — 7 days ago
▲ 5 r/healing_FD_enmeshment+2 crossposts

👋Welcome to r/healing_FD_enmeshment - Introduce Yourself and Read First!

Welcome to r/healing_FD_enmeshment

Hey everyone! I'm u/Winter_One_4085, a founding moderator of r/healing_FD_enmeshment.

This is a community dedicated to discussing, understanding, and healing from father-daughter enmeshment, emotional incest, covert incest, parentification, and other unhealthy relational dynamics that can occur between fathers and daughters. While there are growing conversations around mother-son enmeshment, resources and support for father-daughter dynamics can be difficult to find. My hope is that this space helps fill that gap.

What to Post

This community welcomes:

Personal experiences and stories

Questions about father-daughter enmeshment and recovery

Discussions about boundaries, attachment, and family dynamics

Therapy insights, books, podcasts, and educational resources

Challenges in adult relationships that may be connected to enmeshment

Success stories, healing milestones, and personal growth

Reflections on parentification, emotional caretaking, guilt, obligation, and identity development

Whether you're just beginning to recognize these patterns or have been working on healing for years, your perspective is valuable here.

Community Vibe

Many of us arrive at this topic carrying confusion, grief, anger, guilt, or a deep sense that something wasn't quite right, even if it looked "normal" from the outside.

This community is built on:

Compassion over judgment

Validation without victim competition

Curiosity over assumptions

Respect for different healing journeys

Trauma-informed discussion

You do not need to have all the answers to participate. Sometimes simply putting words to an experience is a significant step forward.

A Quick Note

Father-daughter enmeshment can exist on a spectrum. Not every experience looks the same. Some members may relate strongly to emotional incest or covert incest. Others may be exploring emotional dependency, parentification, blurred boundaries, or a lifelong feeling of responsibility for a parent's emotional well-being.

This community is not a substitute for professional mental health support, but it can be a place to find understanding, shared experiences, and resources.

How to Get Started

  1. Introduce yourself in the comments below (share only what you're comfortable sharing).

  2. Post something today—even a simple question can start an important conversation.

  3. If you know someone who may benefit from this community, invite them to join.

  4. Interested in helping build this space? Feel free to reach out about moderation opportunities.

Thank you for being part of the very first members of r/healing_FD_enmeshment.

Many of us spent years believing we were alone in these experiences. We aren't.

Let's build a community where healing, understanding, and honest conversation can happen together. 💙

reddit.com
u/Winter_One_4085 — 7 days ago