Help getting back on track
Hi all,
I think I have saved my marriage from divorce. My H wanted sep, then divorce but never pushed things forward into actually filing or telling our kids, friends, family etc. I found the skills shortly into the separation & even though it felt like it wasn’t working I grew so much & eventually things did a 180 about 9 month into the whole situation. My H came back to our bedroom, started initiating some affection & more sex, started including me in plans & vacations again without me asking, & doesn’t talk about divorce anymore. He’s introduced me as his wife to many people which I felt like he was avoiding doing during the sep where possible.
Some things that are bothering me & are confusing at times are money, we separated all finances during the sep due to him asking to & haven’t put anything back together, I am ok with this other than the fact my income rly only covers essentials & I have no extra money for anything else & he doesn’t step up to pay for those things so I either have to go without or overextend my money. Examples would be like we make plans with his cousins to go to concert & I say yes I am expected to pay for my ticket, or on vacas he expects me to pay for some of the food etc. then sometimes he steps up & will pay for the lodging & not ask me to contribute. There’s no clarity around when I am expected to contribute & I feel stressed financially which I know he is aware of but haven’t approached a convo due to fear of him saying he wants a divorce still & not knowing how to stay skilled & respectful around the convo. I also want more physical intimacy initiated by him. I have definitely stopped actively practicing the skills & feel stuck like things could be better but aren’t bc I am not focusing on the skills.
I just feel like bc he didn’t declare I want to be with you now, I don’t want a divorce anymore & he hasn’t said I love you that things aren’t great.
Mostly I am looking for help on how to get back on track with the skills over all, & if anyone has suggestions of how to use the skills for the challenges I am facing above especially the money one I could use a refresher & some guidance :). I am good about self care still even if I am less intentional about it like I don’t keep track of self care like I used to & i am respectful & do apologies quickly when I may have veered off track. Missing my small coaching group I was in before but don’t have any extra money to put into that right now so I appreciate any guidance.