u/Wise_Answer2514

Today is my birthday. I have mixed feelings about this, I am feeling sad that I keeps getting older & have been having feels this week about not achieving things in life yet that I thought I would by now. Trying to stay off my phone/all socials today, been feeling overwhelmed & think I need a screen detox from all the comparing to others lives but needing to vent real quick so I logged on to vent real quick .

I alrdy got moody w him yesterday & apologized for being all over his paper & making his mood about me. He responded well to that. As I said it’s my bday, my bother is my kids are being a-holes & my husband hasn’t said happy birthday to me yet 🫠 to be fair he is at work. My norm is to leave coffee/bfast for him when I leave for work on mornings he is in after me. I did that as normal, I make him same as I make myself so it’s really not any extra work to make extra for him & went to work. That was at 8 & at 12 I haven’t heard anything. I txted him saying I’d love to meet for a coff date in a couple hours if his work day allows it, he said if I can come to him he can cuz he’s busy at work doesn’t have as much flexibility today. I am fine w that but he still didn’t even txt me happy birthday!!! it’s super bothering me, someone just tell me to shut up & stop being a brat 😭

he does thoughtful things & shows me he cares in little ways often, he’s never been much of a gift giver or big celebration guy in general & doesn’t do cards. When we were in early dating stages he did cards, gifts, flowers, etc for the typical times expected like a bday gift, Xmas gift, anniversary & vday. Since we had kids we talked about more just saving money for trips & not doing fancy gifts but he would still often surprise me with something small. This stopped after our second born & then when second born was almost 3 had our separation & break down that lasted almost a yr. I am trying to refocus on the good, he has been making comments all weekend about how we’ve been doing good teamwork on getting our house/yard nice after neglecting things for yrs. He bought us a camper & has been takig us away in it all summer. He surprised me with my fave pumpkin beer sun night just because he knew it would make me happy. If I am being honest, I just sometimes wish he was a big celebration/gift guy, I don’t need anything big but it would make me so happy if he was just like I’d love to take you out for your fave drink/food for your bday, or I got you this candle bc I thought you’d love it. Really anything like that but I’m not always good at expressing my desires. A big thing for me is I get burnt out from trying to control/plan everything & honestly not having to make a decision on where to go, etc is the best gift for me. I’ve tried to express this to H but he doesn’t really pick up on it that much or poss just doesn’t care enough, if I express disappointment over my bday i feel like he would say well you didn’t tell me you wanted to do anything . Rant over, thank you for listening.

Hi all! Posted the other day about an interaction with my husband that threw me for a loop. Seemingly normal interaction & then suddenly he was cold distant etc. I still haven’t figured out if it’s about me or something else which doesn’t really matter, but things are ok, still feel strained. I am trying really hard to not worry, stay on my own paper, etc. I am really trying to focus on diving deep back into the skills because I feel like I am way too insecure over this whole situation. It’s making me realize I have fallen back into worrying more about his feeling, needs, & wants than my own. I also think I maybe am reading too much into the situation.

I have been trying to self care all week & not let his feelings/emotions affect me but it totally is. I’ve had stomach aches all week, my appetite is gone & I feel anxious a lot of the day. So right now I am going over previous notes from when I was very into the skills & I reminded myself of leaning into my own feelings & asking myself how do I feel, what do I want, what do I need… & my answers keep defaulting to HIM 😅😅😅 how do I feel: I feel hurt, I feel anxious, I feel insecure, I feel unloved. what do I want:, my husband to be super affectionate & say I love you & just tell me what I did if he is upset with me. Now I know this isn’t what it’s about 🤣 so I’m trying to break it down to make it about me, so I want to feel loved, I want to receive affection & feel deeply cared for, I want to have openness & clarity in my relationship? How am I doing? And I guess for the next step like what do I need to do to get these I can’t figure out? I’m so rusty help me so I don’t make myself any sicker

Any advice for me on a bad day? I am really in my head today over a seemingly nothing situation. Just had a weekend away w/ H & his cousins without our kids. Had an amazing time & then yesterday H & I seemed super connected. He woke me up yesterday with super connected amazing PI 10/10 & grandparents ended up keeping the kids an extra night & we just had a relaxing day resting.

Today we are both working & we texted a few times everything seems normal. Then he asked to see a movie as I am a nanny & we sometimes will take all the kids out for a movie or outing & we couldn’t make it work bc of a variety of reasons. I ended up calling to see if we could make it work at last minute or to bring coffee home for us which is a normal thing I do during workday. He didn’t answer so I popped home with coff for us & he seemed in a bad mood. I asked why he didn’t answer the calls & he said he didn’t want to & then I said I was sorry about the plans not working out. He said it was fine but just was being quiet & more distant. I tried really really hard to not take it personally & just dropped it. I told him my dinner plan & he said that sounded fine. I took the kids out of there relatively quickly instead of hanging around so I wouldn’t risk questioning him about it over & over bc he was clearly not in his more normal easy going chill mood.

Just want to know Is there something I may have done here that would be disrespectful that I could clean up my side of street by apologizing that anyone sees?? or is it just him & I’m on his paper & need to get off? lol … know he’s allowed to have feelings & bad moods & it totally may not be related. I am an anxious person & tend to think everything is my problem. the skills have helped me a ton. Saved my whole marriage honestly. As a side note: Right now I am having a hard time with some health issues lately & I am trying to get into the dr to get things under control & trying to self care but things have been crazy we’ve been away a ton anytime we’re not working, & I just had to cancel my physical bc our travel home got messed up this weekend. When I don’t feel great I deff more anxious. Hence why I am posting here over nothing.

I am going to make a self care plan for tonight so I am not worrying over him & if someone sees disrespect I can apologize as well! I just do not want to repeatedly apologize for nothing because that is not something he cares for & it annoys him for sure.

Hi all,

I think I have saved my marriage from divorce. My H wanted sep, then divorce but never pushed things forward into actually filing or telling our kids, friends, family etc. I found the skills shortly into the separation & even though it felt like it wasn’t working I grew so much & eventually things did a 180 about 9 month into the whole situation. My H came back to our bedroom, started initiating some affection & more sex, started including me in plans & vacations again without me asking, & doesn’t talk about divorce anymore. He’s introduced me as his wife to many people which I felt like he was avoiding doing during the sep where possible.

Some things that are bothering me & are confusing at times are money, we separated all finances during the sep due to him asking to & haven’t put anything back together, I am ok with this other than the fact my income rly only covers essentials & I have no extra money for anything else & he doesn’t step up to pay for those things so I either have to go without or overextend my money. Examples would be like we make plans with his cousins to go to concert & I say yes I am expected to pay for my ticket, or on vacas he expects me to pay for some of the food etc. then sometimes he steps up & will pay for the lodging & not ask me to contribute. There’s no clarity around when I am expected to contribute & I feel stressed financially which I know he is aware of but haven’t approached a convo due to fear of him saying he wants a divorce still & not knowing how to stay skilled & respectful around the convo. I also want more physical intimacy initiated by him. I have definitely stopped actively practicing the skills & feel stuck like things could be better but aren’t bc I am not focusing on the skills.

I just feel like bc he didn’t declare I want to be with you now, I don’t want a divorce anymore & he hasn’t said I love you that things aren’t great.

Mostly I am looking for help on how to get back on track with the skills over all, & if anyone has suggestions of how to use the skills for the challenges I am facing above especially the money one I could use a refresher & some guidance :). I am good about self care still even if I am less intentional about it like I don’t keep track of self care like I used to & i am respectful & do apologies quickly when I may have veered off track. Missing my small coaching group I was in before but don’t have any extra money to put into that right now so I appreciate any guidance.