Feeling insecure about my husbands coworker.
I feel gross even writing the title. Basically, my husband has a hot, much younger and very engaging coworker. We have always had a solid marriage, but I am 7 months pregnant and feeling insecure.
I know they have worked at the same company for a couple years but it’s a large organization and their paths haven’t crossed frequently. She sort of became his direct report a few weeks ago, and since then I have noticed a few changes from him that I’m trying not to freak out about. I’ll try to list them in order of time.
My mom passed away a few weeks ago. This is right around the time coworker was assigned to him. I noticed a few work texts come in on his phone from her and they were very friendly, I noticed he started using the ♥️ reaction to her messages, which he doesn’t even do with me.
I mentioned something, then he started turning his phone off in the evenings.
A week or so after my mom passed, we were at lunch with our daughter. I paid for lunch with her, returned to the table. When I approached from behind I noticed he was looking at a gold heart necklace on a website. He quickly closed his phone.
Right after we left, I clarified that we weren’t getting anniversary gifts this year, right? (First time trying this out) and he immediately responded no. As though he hadn’t even been thinking about it.
Our anniversary happened recently, but we had guests over and we talked about how bummed we were that we wouldn’t be having sex that night but promised to when the house was empty a few days later.
That day he cut his hair, which sounds silly, but he truly only cuts his hair like 1-2x per year - for weddings etc. the rest of the time he’s a wild man. This is the second haircut he’s had since working with her.
The night of our anniversary, we were actually surprised with an empty house. That was not in the cards, so we went for it. I realized immediately that he had shaved down there and felt my face go numb.
Again, I know that sounds ridiculous, but this man has not so much as TRIMMED down there for SIX YEARS. It is a literal jungle and honestly I’ve never minded. I was so surprised and couldn’t help but start to put all of these assumptions together and immediately stopped having sex and told him I needed to go to sleep. He knew something was wrong but we went to bed anyway.
The next day was a work day and we both felt thrown off from the night before. We talked about everything right away, but I didn’t specifically mention her. I did mention the necklace and expected him to say he was considering it for our anniversary or something, but instead he completely denied ever looking at women’s jewelry.
I didn’t know what to do with that because I specifically remember what it looked like and felt the need to clarify our agreement about anniversary gifts.
I’m just overwhelmed and probably crazy, and I know a lot of this behaviour is probably normal for most marriages. But none of this is like my husband and I am at a loss with how to handle it or approach it. He assured me nothing is happening, and I think I believe him. But I can’t help but feel he is very attracted to his coworker and I’m freaking out over this. I’m about to have our second child and I know I will not be in a better place about it postpartum.
Our sex life is amazing. We have sex nearly every day and it’s fucking adventurous. I try so hard to be a healthy and loving partner. I prioritize our marriage and our family over everything and he always has too. It’s why I chose to have children with him. But now I don’t know how to handle all of this.
Sorry for the wall of text /rant