Getting through the birthday.
Food is a sub I made with a ciabatta bun because my regular sub bun was out of stock but it's way better, and a chipotle ranch salad.
My ex and I broke up about 3-4 months ago due to some actions of mine. I reacted anxiously and emotionally to an insecurity of mine, seeking unjustified & pressured reassurance from my ex and I pushed it much too far in a controlling way. It wasn't a pattern, but it was definitely problematic. I eventually clued into what tf I was doing and I immediately reflected, took accountability, and began therapy to try and right the wrong. But within a few days she quickly decided she wanted to leave before giving me a chance to try, or the benefit of the doubt that I was willing and able to make it better. This hurt a lot because I thought at the stage we were at, and because this was our first major tough thing to get past, that a chance was warranted (I know it wasn't owed to me, but it was still shocking and hard to understand). We were well into our third year together and second year living together.
I told some close friends about it, asking them not to validate me because what I'd do was wrong, but I needed to tell them. This included my best friend who reassured me that he wasn't angry with me or going to stop being my friend, but acknowledged what I did as a problem. His partner grew very close to my ex after being introduced through me. They maintained their friendship, and while I don't know for sure I believe they have been spending more time with my ex, and I've noticed less time with me. This hurts, as I see a friend group that was brought together through me, start replacing me, or at least leaving me out.
We didn't have many issues in the relationship aside from some smaller instances of my insecurities brought on by my past (more reason to seek help but at the time I naively didn't see the need). However one thing that bugged me was her recurring voiced desire to rebuild a friendship with a past situationship, which I wasn't comfortable with. I also thought it was very odd because she told me he had shitty views and she didn't care for who he was as a person. (This is unrelated to the breakup argument, but becomes relevant.)
The last few months have had their ups and downs, therapy helped me change my mindset and feel better about the situation, but I kept secretly hoping that she might eventually start missing me or regret leaving. Until a few weeks ago when I was out with coworkers (routinely) where she'd know I'd be, she enters with the guy above - the "guy she told me not to worry about". It stung a lot, because even if it's just platonic I know she was lying to me about something, to some extent. It's kind of on me for keeping some hope alive, but damn, I thought it was a bit early after how serious we were. And did she really need to show up where I was right then? If it was anyone else it wouldn't hurt less I think.
Anyway I took a few days to get right (quicker than I expected) and afterward I had more motivation to let things go and move on. Things were progressing for me with therapy and otherwise. I felt better than I had since we broke up. I stopped thinking about her so much.
However, her birthday was today and i couldn't ignore that fact. I've been dreading it for a while because I knew it would make me feel even more left out than I already have been feeling. In past years I was the one to plan it all out and invite her friends and stuff and I loved doing that for her. This year is different, and I knew it would sting.
But - I woke up today feeling quite light. I made plans to keep my mind off things but even before they started I was feeling fine. This felt like a huge win for me and after being a long time lurker on BDD I decided I'd post positively here about how proud of myself and hopeful for the future I am right now.
Right up until I opened my phone and saw that my best friend's partner had made several posts for my ex's birthday, including her and this guy in an intimate way. Confirmation of what I was pretty sure of anyway, but man despite how well I thought I was doing, seeing it just brought back so many old feelings.
I think seeing her like that hurts less than my long term friend(s) just fully openly and happily condoning it. Honestly I do feel kind of betrayed by this.
Stay neutral, sure. But don't they think it's a little soon? Or in poor taste based on what I've told them about her/him and the situation? (I told my friend about what she had said about him during our relationship)
Am I out of line here? Maybe, let me know what you think I guess.
I don't have many friends locally as a lot have moved away or we drifted apart after university, and even in total there's not many. It really sucks losing my relationship and the friends I knew through her but it would really be devastating if this leads to me losing my best friend and one of my only local close friend. It's really hard to meet people as a going-on-30-year-old man, especially not in his home town.
Here's hoping I feel better in a few days like I did when I saw them together. I kind of expect to, but I think it's going to take longer to figure out and be okay with the whole friend dynamic. I don't know what to do on that front.
I don't really know what I'm looking for here guys, but I didn't want this turn of events to stop my post that I'd been hoping to make. Not sure if advice is what I need but I'd hear some opinions or new perspectives.