This is so unfair and I feel useless.
This will be my fourth HG pregnancy. I was actively trying to prevent using condoms and cycle tracking and the condom broke and I ended up pregnant. I was initially devastated as I know the toll that my pregnancy and postpartum takes on me and my family. I will be trying a new form of contraceptives after this, as I never want to do this again and I thought I was done. I am trying to decide if I want an implant or just fully getting my tubes tied. I don't know yet. I am excited to welcome another baby and I will love this baby so much, but it's just unfair that we as HG moms can't enjoy our pregnancies and feel excited. I wish I could see that positive result and be excited instead of fear and devastation. I wish I could take care of my three other children that need me, and not have to have my mom do it for me after she's been at work all day. My husband stays home all day and takes care of everyone, and the works a night shift every night. We are behind on bills because I am unable to work. I even had to push back my first ultrasound because I couldn't pay my insurance and was going to have to self-pay. I literally just lay in my bed all day and feel useless and disgusting. I don't know what I would do if it wasn't for my support system. I feel incredibly guilty and irresponsible that they have to stop their lives to come to my aid for months. I don't know when's the last time I had a normal bodily function. I can't shower on my own. I can't do anything. I fucking hate it and I can't wait for it to be over. I feel like a piece of shit. I just wish I could enjoy a pregnancy for once.