u/Xoranuli

I’m looking for some advice on how I can help my friends. 4.5 years ago they lost their boy at birth, and after talking to him yesterday I’m seeing just how much his boy is still missing in his life. He has three older boys but feels like there’s still a hole missing. I was in school when it happened and wasn’t a good present friend at the time and I want to help rectify that and honour their boy in some way.

I’m worried about overstepping but also know that not talking about it is just about the worst thing I could do, so I’m hoping for any suggestion on how to help. Thank you kindly 🙏🏽

TW: Physical abuse

I’m wondering how things are like back in El Salvador nowadays in respect to mental health and abuse towards children.

I just found out that my mom was diagnosed with bipolar back in the 90s but she disagreed and refused to follow up with any treatment or therapy. She does not accept the diagnosis. I only found out after becoming a nurse and noticing what looked like a manic episode, remembering similar episodes from my childhood, and asking my dad.

As a result of her own upbringing back home in El Salvador where she was physically abused and beaten, assaulted, and her poor mental health, she regularly beat the hell out of me growing up in Canada in fits of rage. It was to the point that doctors and teachers noticed but the laws and culture were a bit different during my childhood so even though there was a duty to report, there was often a failure to do so . I’ve always understood that this was just the way it was back home and they were raising me how they knew and a bunch of other factors that are neither here nor there other than being excuses.

Now that I’m approaching 40, I’m seeing the consequences of this upbringing. One being an autoimmune disease where childhood physical abuse doubled my risk to develop it.

I’m trying to fix myself especially my temper and part of it was asking for my family’s help by understanding that I was hurt, and acknowledging that even though this is all they knew - it wasn’t right. I’ve only been met with rejection and they try to hide behind: “this is our culture, and you say bipolar but all the doctors here think everyone has bipolar”. I’ve been told that I’m asking for too much and that I’m blinded by North American culture… it’s now to the point that they’re refusing to attend my wedding

Is this still the attitude back home? Physical abuse of a child is it still acceptable and mental health still isn’t taken as seriously as it is in Canada?

I’m really not certain what I’m expecting out of this, but I’m hoping things have changed back in El Salvador because I know plenty of other Salvadoran families here who aren’t like this.