u/Yarndhilawd

Sharing details of trauma early in a relationship. What’s appropriate when?

I’ve had a weird run of things lately. I really like the woman I’m currently dating but things have got weird.

From our second date she disclosed that she had been sexually assaulted recently on a hinge date. Since then she disclosed other sexual assaults. This has been a recurring theme in the start of my previous 2 relationships, one being very toxic and the other being great and ended amicably due to mutual incompatibility.

Here’s the thing, I don’t want to hear the details of anyone’s worst trauma. I had to literally tell the woman I’m currently seeing this as she wanted to give me the details of a violent SA that occurred when she was a young adult.

I have my own trauma, top tier capital T trauma from childhood and I don’t want to give anyone the details of. I’ve worked on it with therapists and in group therapy for survivors.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD from events in 2015 and I’m open about my diagnosis but I don’t share the details as it traumatizes people, especially people who care about me. It’s the same when people ask me about my scars, I tell them they probably don’t want to know.

I come from one of the most marginalized communities in the world and 75% of the population of my country have a negative view of my ethnicity. I grew up in government housing in a community that had the highest crime statistics in my country and despite all this I am very financially successful and deal with my trauma to the point I don’t have to spew it onto people I meet.

This has gone way off track. Just reading over it and I’m clearly a bit triggered but hopefully not problematic with how I’m expressing it.

The woman I’m currently seeing recently brought up the violent SA she experienced as a young adult and asked to give me the details. I told her I would rather not know the details. She told me it was important as that’s how she got hsv. Ok, that’s important to share.

I guess it’s frustrating because I’ve got some skeletons in my closet but I try to be upfront about the ones that people need to know and have discernment around stuff that they don’t need to know.

I guess I’m feeling like maybe the SA disclosure was somewhat of a manipulation technique. I wouldn’t ever list all the worst things that have occurred to me while building trust and connection to reveal the most pertinent information that affects both our health and future.

The other thing that has me stewing on it now is that I am regularly tested and never had an sti but I somehow knew more about the condition and how to minimize chances of transmission than she did. She’s had it for 15 year!

Am I being a dick? Am I being a sucker? Can’t work out how I’ve ended up here and what I’m actually considering.

Sharing details of trauma early in a relationship. What’s appropriate when?

I’ve had a weird run of things lately. I really like the woman I’m currently dating but things have got weird.

From our second date she disclosed that she had been sexually assaulted recently on a hinge date. Since then she disclosed other sexual assaults. This has been a recurring theme in the start of my previous 2 relationships, one being very toxic and the other being great and ended amicably due to mutual incompatibility.

Here’s the thing, I don’t want to hear the details of anyone’s worst trauma. I had to literally tell the woman I’m currently seeing this as she wanted to give me the details of a violent SA that occurred when she was a young adult.

I have my own trauma, top tier capital T trauma from childhood and I don’t want to give anyone the details of. I’ve worked on it with therapists and in group therapy for survivors.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD from events in 2015 and I’m open about my diagnosis but I don’t share the details as it traumatizes people, especially people who care about me. It’s the same when people ask me about my scars, I tell them they probably don’t want to know.

I come from one of the most marginalized communities in the world and 75% of the population of my country have a negative view of my ethnicity. I grew up in government housing in a community that had the highest crime statistics in my country and despite all this I am very financially successful and deal with my trauma to the point I don’t have to spew it onto people I meet.

This has gone way off track. Just reading over it and I’m clearly a bit triggered but hopefully not problematic with how I’m expressing it.

The woman I’m currently seeing recently brought up the violent SA she experienced as a young adult and asked to give me the details. I told her I would rather not know the details. She told me it was important as that’s how she got hsv. Ok, that’s important to share.

I guess it’s frustrating because I’ve got some skeletons in my closet but I try to be upfront about the ones that people need to know and have discernment around stuff that they don’t need to know.

I guess I’m feeling like maybe the SA disclosure was somewhat of a manipulation technique. I wouldn’t ever list all the worst things that have occurred to me while building trust and connection to reveal the most pertinent information that affects both our health and future.

The other thing that has me stewing on it now is that I am regularly tested and never had an sti but I somehow knew more about the condition and how to minimize chances of transmission than she did. She’s had it for 15 year!

Am I being a dick? Am I being a sucker? Can’t work out how I’ve ended up here and what I’m actually considering.

I’ve had a weird run of things lately. I really like the woman I’m currently dating but things have got weird.

From our second date she disclosed that she had been sexually assaulted recently on a hinge date. Since then she disclosed other sexual assaults. This has been a recurring theme in the start of my previous 2 relationships, one being very toxic and the other being great and ended amicably due to mutual incompatibility.

Here’s the thing, I don’t want to hear the details of anyone’s worst trauma. I had to literally tell the woman I’m currently seeing this as she wanted to give me the details of a violent SA that occurred when she was a young adult.

I have my own trauma, top tier capital T trauma from childhood and I don’t want to give anyone the details of. I’ve worked on it with therapists and in group therapy for survivors.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD from events in 2015 and I’m open about my diagnosis but I don’t share the details as it traumatizes people, especially people who care about me. It’s the same when people ask me about my scars, I tell them they probably don’t want to know.

I come from one of the most marginalized communities in the world and 75% of the population of my country have a negative view of my ethnicity. I grew up in government housing in a community that had the highest crime statistics in my country and despite all this I am very financially successful and deal with my trauma to the point I don’t have to spew it onto people I meet.

This has gone way off track. Just reading over it and I’m clearly a bit triggered but hopefully not problematic with how I’m expressing it.

The woman I’m currently seeing recently brought up the violent SA she experienced as a young adult and asked to give me the details. I told her I would rather not know the details. She told me it was important as that’s how she got hsv. Ok, that’s important to share.

I guess it’s frustrating because I’ve got some skeletons in my closet but I try to be upfront about the ones that people need to know and have discernment around stuff that they don’t need to know.

I guess I’m feeling like maybe the SA disclosure was somewhat of a manipulation technique. I wouldn’t ever list all the worst things that have occurred to me while building trust and connection to reveal the most pertinent information that affects both our health and future.

The other thing that has me stewing on it now is that I am regularly tested and never had an sti but I somehow knew more about the condition and how to minimize chances of transmission than she did. She’s had it for 15 year!

Am I being a dick? Am I being a sucker? Can’t work out how I’ve ended up here and what I’m actually considering.