u/Yarushian

Ever since I have been g*aped nung 8yrs old ako by my cousin till 15 I'm really not okay mentally. Now I'm 19, on my dream school as freshman but cannot focus as nakakailang relapse na ako from the trauma. I also cry and act like a baby everytime that I'm in a rage alone in my room. Hitting myself, wishing na someday matuloy na yung plano ko.

I called kanina sa hotline and instead of understanding me they lectured me na dapat ganito ganyan nalang Ginawa ko. I have class today and idk I'll still attend it. Basta tangina, after this magpapskamatay na ako. Last 2023​​ diagnosed ako ng MDD (major depressive disorder).

I deserved no one, I'm meant to be alone.. And dirty.. And someone na Laging sinasabi nang Lutang.

I'm tired to even explain everything, I want to rest (forever), I always take into heart what my therapist, guidance counselor told me...but nothing would reciprocate the pain I've felt noong ilang beses Ginawa sa akin nung pinsan kong gun. Cut off na kami ng family ko pero nakatakas siya, plano mag overseas, and I'm here deeply suffering inside from his sexual, physical abuse and bullying.

It's also been affecting my relationships, my friends dahil rant ako ng rant sa kanila.

I'm sorry, I can't really do it anymore.

Sana makapagpahinga na ako forever. I think I've lived this life to the fullest na. :))

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Hello I am 19F from Southeast Asia. I really wanna catch up to genshin impact but I'm not a meta player so someone who has exp (asia server please) is a great help!! 🥹

We can also talk about other stuffs! I watch TV shows (mostly anime rn or abott elementary) or movies (letterboxd = on top).

I also draw so yesss and many more.

Hmu if u feel the same way!

Me (INFJ female) and my friend (ENFP gay) have been best friends since highschool. We are basically there for each other, we took entrance exams—all the things we've done are built together.

College came and they're pursuing an business related major, while I currently pursue an design. At first, we would hangout and be comfortable with each other. We are 1 on 1.

Until, they become a member of a college club full of capitalistic greed (at least, that's what they tell them). Right now, their life centered around networking clubs, hangout with different types of people in different locations—while I am stuck with design outputs and machines. To put it short, they're focusing on social skills while I focus on technical skills.

I TOLD MYSELF MAYBE I'm just being jealous since I also wanted to achieve that.. But nevertheless we have different majors with different success. They party all the time while I'm stuck in my dorm doing my prototypes.. There is no problem with it but I'm concerned about his "new behavior" after others influenced them.

So what is exactly the problem? Lately they started to be rude towards me in terms of saying offensive words I've never expect for them to say it. I do not know if it's because of the rich kids in their club (not generalizing) or it's their true personality. I treated some of our friends some food that they chose but they said "oh frick that's mid." This may not be offensive to others but they're putting blame on me to try this than that.. . Even though my friends convinced that they rather eat that food I suggested.. 🥲. Not to mention, they only chat when they needed something.

In short.. They started to become out of touch.

Until now I'm still considering if they are truly my friend. I can't only be the one sharing, rooting for them all the time. Sometimes, I need support too. Why can't they open up to me not unlike their other friends? Am I just here for them to use me for other things?

I want to blame myself.. But it's becoming a cycle over and over again. It feels like I cannot live without them since I loved them (as a friend) so much. I value friendships.. But it comes to the point where I lose myself, who am I without them?

This person is well liked by everyone. They socialize and become friends with everyone. Everyone in my school (i. e., friends and teachers) remembers them while I was forgotten. As someone who was there in their ups and downs—what is now my place? If they were offensive at me many times, should I let go?

If I knew they're not a liar.. I could've believe them. But I've seen many scenarios and hangouts with them to lie to other people—which my parents told me not to do (tho they do not know that my friend lies).

They do not believe in the quote "a friend to all is a friend to none" they believe that they should be friends with all. Personally I do not agree with this but it shows in their actions.

I'm still trying to navigate myself towards self-improvement. I have my own morals that my parents instilled me since I was a kid. I also deal with eliminating my perfectionism, people pleaser behavior, and overachiever.

I please them too much, I became too silent by their words and actions towards me.

Idk maybe I'm just crazy at this point 😅. But it really makes me tired on "who I am" in their life. I feel guilty everytime I door slam.. But it's been draining me. They had too many chances to get me at this stage😢

Hi Im am19f (she/her) im from the philippines

i love anime (i wanna yap about black clover since it ended), tomodachi life, pokemon, minecraft, movies (letterboxd = goated), books, and music ofc

personality: kinda shy but if we became close we can vc. i love deep convos. other hobbies: -reading -art -crafting -about creating anything basically