u/YesterdayShot1924

Hey there kind of a weird question.

My partner and I are coming up on the end of a workaday we started at the beginning of the month. Since the beginning it became clear the host was a terrible instructor, manager and pretty reactive guy all round.

It's not so bad that I'd ever report him but things like offering stuff and then deciding to take it back without warning. Giving instructions for the tasks then getting angry when you do it, claiming he never said what he said. He was supposed to cover our food but frequently forgets about a quarter of the items on the list or edits it based on his own opinions, then when another worker had a car would drive us for our stuff he got huffy saying we were eating too much. I'm vegetarian and have been stuck eating carrots and goats cheese for meals many times. Shifts were listed as 4-5 hours but I would say 90% have been 5 hours. Passive aggressive texts, blaming us for things that are no one's fault.

It's clear the workers think they're being jilted, but so does he so there's constant tension and the feeling of being cheated out of something I suppose.

In the end I think he's just a bit of an ass and we don't gel but nothing serious. Now the final insult to injury is that he's saying he's not willing to get up to bring us to our train to the airport on Friday. It's at 6.30am and a 10 min drive, he gets up every day at 5am but just tells us he's not willing despite that being the agreement.

I personally don't want to do even another day's work for him, my partner says it's just one day so why not.

I feel we should have some kind of conversation about the review of it all. Maybe some kind of acknowledgment that this clearly hasn't gone in our most idealised way and we should agree to not review each other. This would be my only review on our profile and I don't want it to affect the future Workdays I have lined up for the summer. Has anyone had experience with this?

DISCLAIMER: I am against cheating and would never consider it, I’ve just never felt this strong an attraction to someone who’s not him before.

im very stressed about this and have no one to tell because all our friends are also his and would feel too awkward hearing about it. Even my close female friends adore him like I do and envy our relationship . My partner and I have been together for four and a half years and I do believe we’ll get married one day. We’re both around mid 20s too.

right now we’re doing some young people character building before getting serious about our careers and working abroad somewhere there are other young workers. there we’ve met Daniel.

i could tell on the first night we went for drinks he thought I was attractive but brushed it off. If you’re a woman you know the sense you get im ralking about and also know you can just brush it off and get on with a friendship with a guy and it often goes away, just that initial thing. I also know I can come off as confident and interesting before people get to know me and realise I’m just autistic.

then I slowly noticed him too and I think it all came to a head last weekend when we were all drinking at the house again but me and daniel stayed up until the sunrise talking and getting progressively drunker. It was there that we realised we had similar trauma (CSA) that I suppose I’ve never felt fully over. We hugged, first physical contact and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him.

i know many might think thats a romantic setup to begin with but I’ve stayed up late with incredibly attractive ppl of all genders chatting (I’m bi) and never felt anything but platonic love. I’ve cuddled with my gorgeous girlfriends watching films and will again. I’ve blacked out and been at raves getting Hit on and never considered it. I always only felt that way for my bf Since we’ve been together.

we were doing laundry and mixed our three loads together to save time and he causally put the top he was wearing in and I just found that whole thing so hot I jumped. I always assumed if I had an attraction to someone else it’d be a woman too.

now I’m like weird and insecure around him. Going to the beach and being in a swimsuit, seeing him glance, it feels like somethings changed.

my theory is, the similar trauma is triggering some weird shame related thing because the attraction feels like an anxious teenage crush - thinking about them in general a lot, avoiding eye contact, him doing “teasing“ stuff. My partner has always been supportive but comes from a normal and happy childhood so I’ve also felt that difference between us And I feel with him like I felt with my other traumatised teen friends smoking at the skatepark to avoid our parents, that I no longer talk to. I’m insecure about my voice and jokes I make and everything.

thing is he and my boyfriend are incredibly close at this point and I know hed make a great addition to our lives long term. I’ve had friends who maybe at first had a crush on me but it went away with time and they have partners that I’ve gotten close with too and it’s all happy clappy.

Daniel has also made it clear during our talks that he’s still in love with his ex who I may just remind him of. But weirdly I did feel myself get jealous when he talked about her.

i also know statistically after our time together either me or my partner would develop a temporary crush on someone But I’m sad it’s me and I wish it would just go away. I also know we’re leaving in just over a week so there’s no stress about it carrying over into our lives beyond this weird bubble abroad.

anyway thanks for listening, I’m just going to wait it out.

I’ve (23f) truly come to believe social media has robbed us of our basic humanity and it’s not normal and we need to unplug.

i know some might think ”that’s just your algorithm“ but I truly think your feed will Always attempt to raise your cortisol and outrage you.

recently in my city a black man was murdered because of excessive force and suffocation. There’s videos of course - there always is. the comments are filled with my fellow countrymen saying he deserves it, talking about “don’t resist like an animal” and “get rid of all those vermin”. some are certainly bots but a lot of them are real people with families in their profiles, young children, real lives who feel negatively affected by immigration to the extent that they wish death on them.

i have no doubt some of these ppl were always vile but I also believe many of them would be surprised to find out, if they could see themselves 10 years ago that they’d be saying these things wholeheartedly after witnessing a persons final moments. I believe many of them would consider calling for the extermination of vermin or animals would make them sound/feel like a nazi. But now these comments are normal.

many of these people are normal, even largely caring ppl to those in their lives. they work hard and theyre scared of change. I called my mother she said many people in Gen X, who once told their children to be skeptical of the internet have fallen down rabbit holes. My partners mom went from loving organic food and being a SAHM to a full on anti trans conspiracy theorist. My amazing uncle with two daughters is now a full blown trump supporter and we're not even in America nor ever will be. He thinks he’s a saviour of truth and the world.

I know we’re all rightfully scared. im scared of change too, I’m scared of technology and it’s implications. I’m scared of AI being used by men who’ve stalked me in the past to imagine me naked more than they already have, of social media’s anxiety inducing addictI’ve qualities. I’m scared of being filmed and going viral or doxxed, I’m scared of the negative feelings I walk around with towards strangers because I feel like everyone’s out to get me on the street.

im so much less likely to just talk to a stranger the past Couple years.

I say this as a long time social media user who’s been slowly moving my life offline - ie my communication with people out of Instagram etc - and an artist who has missed so many opportunities because of flyers and applications getting posted to Instagram and Facebook first despite being on email lists.

I was recently at an artists residency, with a bunch of Gen Xers who were highly activated and angry. One man who was running it was racist and so scared of the world he was completely threatened by me as a Gen Zer and screamed in my face about censorship and arrogance and “my government“. I was shocked and could not calm him. at that point I hadn’t used social media in thirty days and had experienced huge relief and less anxiety. They all went on about how entitled Gen Z were and never listened to when I agreed or didn’t agree with them, it was not a normal discussion but them taking out their frustrations w their own family members onto a stranger.

He harassed me for the entire thing to where I removed myself from group activities but would post long rants about how triggered I must be in the shared gc meant for logistical stuff. My friend who was supposed to come told me his Facebook was full of anti immigration stuff and he was obsessed with cancel culture. I was stunned by the whole thing about how sensational a simple disagreement and someone not wanting to be around someone they just don’t like became.

our ways of processing events and sharing information have become so strange a deformed. I know many may read this and say “I was with you until you brought up trump/immigration/blah blah” I’m not interested in labelling myself in American political terms, I’m not interested in debating anything. I’m talking about humanity. we all need to reconnect with humanity. Our values as people.

i believe we all need to “touch grass” effectively.