u/YoItsTemulent

TLDR: I hate them.

WARNING: This is a long read. But some of the digital wedgies I am handing out are worth it.

PT I: THE SITUATION:

I ordered a set of gently loved DW Performance Series drums online with some bags to keep them extra safe for the trip. The manager there (in Little Rock, AR) did a walkaround to inspect them and verify what the listing said and the condition. 22x18 kick, 12x9 rack, 16x14 floor. Ordered a decent set of gig bags in matching sizes because, let's face it, GC aren't known for shipping instruments very well.

So imagine my surprise when they recognized that the rack tom was a 13x10, not a 12x9. That might not sound like much to a non-player, but to a drummer who has used the aforementioned configuration, those two inches really messes everything up. They not only sent the wrong drum, but they even subbed the bag size from THAT order.

I bypass calling Little Rock because they have consistently screwed this up. Go right to national operations customer service. It's day one and I am really being nice. "I'm sure we can figure something out," I tell my "customer support specialist". I even lay out three very easy actions.

1. Refund me for the wrong drum and bag and I'll ship it back. I'll buy my own.
2. Since you're DW dealers and get shit at cost, just buy one and drop ship it. I'll send this back.
3. Find a store with a configuration with the 12x9 and maybe they'll swap it out.

My specialist assures me we'll figure this out. He just (of course) needs to "talk to his manager". A day goes by. Then he emails me that they have to coordinate with the Little Rock location who I caution, are uniquely awful at returning phone calls or doing the right thing.

It is now day 3 and I am crashing out. Here's my latest email to those dumbasses.

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PT II: THE SECOND TO LAST EMAIL

[REDACTED]-

Help me understand here - is what you're saying to me is that the... (please, god, no) LITTLE ROCK store are the ones are responsible for sorting this out?

Haven't they screwed this up enough yet? Have they not demonstrated clear moral flexibility when it comes to not delivering what I paid almost 2k for? How much more damage do you want these halfwits to do to the Guitar Center brand on your behalf?!?!?!

I was on the phone with [Little Rock GC Manager] the night before I ordered and had him do a walkaround on the kit for me. The USED GEAR tag clearly stated the sizes I purchased. The Boulevard II bags that I bought were for those sizes. So they knew. They lied. And assumed we are too wrapped up with the NBA Finals and don't have tape measures in NYC, I guess?

I know, the GC store in Little Rock are the ones holding the bag, but I called national customer service because those cousin-nuzzling hayseeds are UNIQUELY terrible at running a music store. 

[REDACTED], you've been decent through this and I'm not personally holding you of all people responsible. But if I have to buy my own new tom, list this one on Reverb and take a haircut, just to get the drums that I ORDERED and PAID FOR? You might just wanna pass me off to these shadowy managers you keep talking to now, because the crashout is nigh. 

[redacted]

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PT III: THE FINAL AND VERY NOT NICE EMAIL

[redacted] -

I want this tom refunded. Credit me $450 for the drum and the bag, and this is officially a dead issue. I will ship it back to Little Rock (along with the incorrect,knowingly substituted bag) and they can deal with selling it.

They sold me the wrong thing, they need to refund it. This is utterly and completely on them. 

I'm buying my own tom and washing my hands of this bullcorn. GC's competition (rhymes with Sweetwater) would have fixed this within two hours. We're at three motherhugging days and I am done.

Until I get the okay for a refund, I also have it listed on Reverb complete with an incendiary retelling (linked) of the demonstrably flagrant ineptitude and inaction Guitar Schlenter has demonstrated at every opportunity. 

Get me that refund. Kick me up to your manager. Or your manager's manager, IDGAF. Somebody who is going to shake the branches to fix this. Do something. 

[Redacted]

Former Customer and Online GC Decimator for LIFE 

PS Y'all are poking the wrooonnngg bear.

_______________________

PT IV: TO RECAP

These dumbasses knowingly subbed out something that was the wrong size, even switching out the BAG size like I wouldn't notice.

But I did.

And Guitar Center's gonna Guitar Center I guess.

If you work for that toilet corporation, update your resume. They've fashioned their own noose and gallows.

Imma go first.

TLDR: Sometimes the chance at fame is just not worth it.

Anyhoo...

I was playing for a fairly successful Chicago band in the late 90's - it was that live band plus backing tracks industrial metal hybrid type thing. We could pack out headlining Metro on a Friday, did some regional touring, etc.

After a particularly awesome show this person kinda sequesters me away backstage to ask me some questions. "Are you happy with this band? Do you want the chance to do something bigger? We've been watching your band, you'd be perfect. Yadda yadda fucking yadda." My first thought is "how did this guy get backstage?"

So, not really happy with the stagnation of everything going on with (rhymes with flirteen kilograms), I say "sure, give me a call." (thinking this guy is just some fluffer piece of shit but willing to leave the door open a crack).

A couple of days later, he calls. Says, "hey, so, this band of which I can not disclose the members, but rest assured, the guitarist just left a very successful band, want to meet you." Pffft. Okay, maybe there will be free drinks involved. I agree and go to this one club that has a little back area. I show up, guy sees me, sends me back.

Of the three very post-industrial-glammed-out people assembled, there's this one very androgynous looking guy with pale foundation and burgundy Florence Henderson hair and I'm like... "I know who that is but I can't quite place itr." He introduces himself as (rhymes with Dim but played in a band called rhymes-with-Share A Pin Handsome as rhymes-with-Tim Tum). He says he quit. His former bandleader said he was fired. Who cares.

Anyways, I audition, it goes relatively well. It should be said I had to sign an NDA just to get the three demo tracks. Thing about those tracks is that they had these very basic programmed drums - very much programmed by somebody who has never played actual drums.

I'm offered the spot as their drummer. Now this is where it gets weird. I get the contract. The contract stipulates that I am a paid actor performing as a character created by the head of this group. I am paid a day rate to perform this role. It says what I can and can't say about the group in public (including the internet). It stipulates that I must perform the music as written or my per diem will be docked $10 per pilot deviation - at the sole discretion of the same guy.

I think about it and say "oh, what the fuck. the brass ring is in front of me." I mean, three "legit" bands into my so-called-career, maybe this is the lucky one. I'll buy the ticket and take the ride. The guy's quasi-famous and there's equity in it.

Rehearsals are a shit show. Everybody is so tossed up on various white dru&s that we can't make it three hours. Recording the demo? Even worse. I play the written parts exactly, to the 32nd note, as written. I even tapped them into my DAW and printed out notation. Yes, I had a music stand in the studio for the first time ever. Since I laid those down in two tries, I also did one or two passes where I at least tried to interject the slightest bit of flair.

Thing is I'm nowhere near the studio for the mixes. Everyone but dear leader is locked out. And when I hear the 'final mixes', I got Newstedded all to fuck. My live drums might be in there somewhere but the pre-programmed ticky tack shit is definitely front and center.

Luckily I did snake some rough mixes from my tracking that I still have to this day where you can, I dunno, actually hear the live drummer.

That wasn't the final straw, but this is: I am asked (told) to stop playing live kit and move entirely to triggers. AND - said guitarist really likes those old school Simmons SDS-9 hexagon pads. That was it. Fuck this. I am out. I thank them for the opportunity and dip.

That should have been it but of course i was served a legal notice basically reinforcing a complete and utter gag order. I am fired. I do not speak of my brief time in this circus. I am to relinquish all this and that and blah dee blah blah. I just threw it out. I've never really thought about it much until I was cleaning a hard drive today and found those mixes and had an odd trip down memory lane.

WTA: Just so people don't think I'm full of shit, here's one of the tracks (with real drums to boot). Fuck that guy. NDA's don't fly and I guarantee you I've made more money than him by now, and I'm friends with my entertainment attorney. Sue away, fuckboi..