u/Zealous-Armadillo797

I HATE IT! I was such a nice and sensitive child growing up, now it seems like whenever I'm out in public I have some sort of negative energy that's so heavy and people don't know how to react to it. It has landed me in so many awkward positions/interactions. Don't even get me started on how I react near cops. It's like people just look at me like I'm not even human. It's like I have this cold reptilian vibe not to mention how cold I can become. It's like a part of me should care about things people care about but in reality I just shrug it off and act like it's nothing and have to pretend to care.

I was listening to music the other day and it just became so bland to me. I like indie music, emo songs, and other genres that are big within younger groups. But I just began to feel so old despite being 25 years old. It's like other people my age still listen to this stuff yet, I find it all so outdated to me? Playing video games and watching sports (hobbies that I used to enjoy) don't hit the same anymore. Now I find it embarrassing now that grown men fight each other in front of their kids over a team they like. I'm not trying to be deep and be this philosopher or anything but it just doesn't hit/feel the same anymore. It all in a way seems very childish to me, like the dawning realization hit me big these past couple of months. But now I'm left wondering, what else is there if my personality is changing? If the old is becoming stale and losing its meaning.

How do I mold myself and fit in when 95% of people my age don't really share a lot in common. Im asking this in the Jung subreddit because I'm sure Jung had something to say about this. I could use the advice or any pointers. Not to mention I went on this heroes journey years ago. Wanting to heal from my past traumas and learn how to deal with my current life. Only thing is, my life got even more complicated, to a degree I never even knew was possible. Now I'm being faced with myself without any of these past hobbies to shield me in a sense. It all hurts and I'm left feeling so lonely now. Only thing that helps is nature do I which gives me peace in the midst of the chaos going on. I'm just taking it all in atm and it can be overwhelming.

I used to love sports when I was younger and often rooted for the underdogs and would get upset whenever a team l liked lost. Yet I discovered that the reason I got angry was because I saw a part of myself lose, aka an unconscious aspect of myself I have yet to integrate. But as I developed I began to see why those teams or players who were favored to win, why they were favored in the first place. It just goes to show that once you integrate and get rid of a certain level of detachment you can see with a clear level of focus and perspective. You sort of add it to your arsenal and use it in your everyday life...its an unsuspected way of development I learned. I also just grew out of it and put my focus to other things in my life. But the reason so many people get excited is because they see a part of themselves scoring the winning touchdown, or juking defenders, or scoring goals to win a world cup. There's a sort of level of attachment and the reason why so many people online can be so toxic and act like they themselves are part of the team.

After seeing some posts on here it got me curious to see what else other people saw. Others saw bad things, but others saw humanity as spiritual and enlightened beings in the future.

I want to work in person, go out, talk to people without being so anxious and seen as an awkward weirdo so badly. I've been at home, doing remote work and using chatgpt/ai to help me since I feel like I can't even think on my own with getting exhausted. It's sad, I'm like a shell of my former self who was humourous, charismatic, and playful. Now I'm just all tired and getting through the day is such a chore now. I've seen so many things that have left me sidelined, I just felt like it was enough and lost my edge. What can I do to get myself back? Meditation helps but when I'm breathing in I get flashes of memories, fragments and am flooded with emotions. What can I do to get myself back?