My MIL may have caused our divorce.
This is long sorry.
I don't know if this appropriate to post here I'm just feeling lost and looking for advice I guess.
My husband and I have been together for 5 years. Married for 2. We have a beautiful daughter who is 1.5 yr old and I'm also now 4 months pregnant.
We have had our ups and downs, some pretty massive fights but we have got through it and things have been pretty consistent and healthy for a while. My husband has always had a temper but has made a large effort to work on it and I'm really grateful for that until now. I have forgiven a lot throughout our relationship but I think I've had enough.
It all started because I sent a text to my MIL asking if she can keep her 2 small dogs in another room when my daughter is visiting because they are aggressive. One has previously bit someone's face and both are very aggressive towards other dogs so just have a generally unsafe nature and I dont want them round my child.
This simple request turned into an absolute mammoth drama and now I think I'm going to divorce my husband.
My MIL did not respond to me and instead went through my husband so it's hard to know exactly what she said as I didn't hear it from her. But basically she and my husband have said that ' they didn't find what I said bad but the way I did it ( texting ) was rude and I should have spoken to her face to face like an adult '. They also twisted what I had said and said she wouldn't be allowed to see my daughter if the dogs were there. This is entirely untrue I just asked for them to be put in a separate room at all times.
I want to add I have pretty severe anxiety and OCD and I have kept myself up many hours of the night worrying myself sick about my child being hurt by these dogs. ( I know this is not normal ) But it doesn't take away the fact they are still actively dangerous, my brain just doesn't let me relax.
MIL apparently defended said bite by saying the woman who got bitten had tried to pet the dog whilst it was 'sleeping'. Absolute ludicrous excuse. Like a toddler will have the capacity to think about this ..... So she's just completely in denial about these dogs which makes the situation even more dangerous because I don't trust they would take necessary precautions.
Regardless of this madness, my husband lost his temper when he found out I messaged my MIL. He became quite violent and exploded into a rage, smashing stuff, hitting objects ( he did not physically hurt me or our daughter), shouting lots of verbal abuse. It was frightening none the less and hasn't happened in a very long time... I thought that behaviour was long gone.
He won't admit it but he has clearly taken his mother's side and regurgitating the absolute rubbish she has said to him about why she's upset. None of what is being said by them even makes sense. She is clearly just making an issue of the request to keep dogs separate because she doesn't want to.
I won't go into it but this isn't the first time I have felt significantly unsupported by him when trying to set boundaries with his family. He gets very defensive and very mad. When my daughter was born I found their behaviour very self serving and stresseful and I was just told I was being unreasonable.
Since all of this I have just had enough. I set 2 conditions for my husband. 1- do something, anything to work on his anger. 2- support me as his wife, even if it's related to his family. Nothing I have asked if him has been to much or unreasonable. ( please tell me if I'm wrong ) For example, to save myself the stress I had with my first, I'd like to have no visitors after the birth of my 2nd for atleast 1 or 2 weeks. - husband says this unfair to his family, unreasonable and no one he has spoken to agrees with me. I have tried to explain how intense postpartum can be and that I'm genuinely not trying to be a bitch and even if he doesn't understand why I feel a certain way, he should just support me anyway ( within reason ofc )
He has strongly and bluntly said no to both requests, he defended his anger outburst by saying that it hasn't happened in a long time and only happened because I had pissed him off so bad - pretty shocking response.
And will not budge on defending his family and just said this can all be fixed if I just stop being difficult.
I think it could be the end of us.
As a last attempt to save this marriage because I do love him, he's a great dad and despite this temper and mummy issues, we have a good relationship day to day, I asked if he'd consider marriage counselling. He said maybe.
I feel pregnant and hormonal and lonely and gas lit and tired and sad. Do I stick to my guns and keep some self respect or do I just let it all go to keep my family together.