u/Zestyclose_Cloud4118

I had an intense experience and felt the fullness of beingness and necessity to surrender to the waterfall of electric love that rushes through at an awesome speed and then I spent two weeks with varying levels of overwhelm and reactivations that scared me and also delighted me. The feeling was that of the true nature of reality that we are not solid beings and rather particulars in constant motion. Feeling that all the time made me feel incapable of mundane human life. And that again, delighted and frightened me.

After the first two weeks, the reactivations became soft and kind and mostly only at night between sleep cycles.

I went to a meditation center last week and met my practice with a whole new depth and capacity for openness.
Last night I went to my community sweat Lodge and again felt near overwhelm at times. Because of the insight meditation I had been doing for the previous 8 days I was very aware of my internal experience and felt like I could explode or have a breakdown and also a supreme level of calm and ability to hold all that, oscillating with my sense of will. When we prayed over the water for the first time I activated my palms and let all the love inside of me flow into the water. When I felt too big I gave my energy to the Earth beneath me.

For decades I considered ayahuasca a ‘magic pill’ and thought I needed to imbibe. I was always held back. By my lovers at the time and by my own hesitancy.

Now that I’ve had this 5MEO-DMT experience I truly do feel it is a magic pill for me. I’m Iiving inside the walls of spaces I could only consider to peak through foggy windows of previously.

I’m going to the center tomorrow to serve a 10 day course. I’ve served many courses and however, feel like I’m in a more settled place in my being and I’m seeking any advice/wisdom/curiosities from anyone who served a lot. I’m gonna keep it very general to be open to anything anyone wants to say.

The beginning is a response to someone… I wanna put this out to the dmt community

Wow. I had no idea what??? This feels like a Serious Undertaking and I had no idea that a psychedelic experience could continue past a week. Of course it has receded greatly and I’ve been able to present as a passable human.
I feel like a Break is under the surface of my beingness and that I can ‘keep it together’ and learn to be in this new form but there is a scream underneath that feels like my whole beingness could unravel and I could become nonfunctional. Asking when is this going to end? Also I don’t want it to end because I feel like this is the ‘more’ I’ve always been looking for and so I say to myself to be careful what we ask for.

Did I go too far? I have no memory of my release experience but my friend who served me told me I said ‘oh my god it’s too much’
I am leaning on journaling, chocolate, magnesium, friends, breathwork, yoga and these things feel essential to me now and I’m so grateful that my job is so lowkey or I cannot imagine performing.

In this moment I am seeking to trust that I moved to where I needed to go because it’s too much to imagine this was a ‘mistake’ and what’s done is done and this experience has been wholey unprecedented and isn’t that what my seeking ass is always looking for?

The longest water fast I’ve done was 18 days and though I did do a few days of broth and then ferments for days (I made a different ferment every day that I was fasting after the first 7 days, it was great) I started eating so much without any sense of control to where I know I was damaging my organs. I would look in the mirror with this potbelly and beg myself to stop.
Eventually I evened out but it took a painful week. I started eating watermelon because I figured it would keep me busy while not taxing my system too much until I ate a whole watermelon over the kitchen sink like a sewer rat of course, and then felt sooo sick and realized-oh yes vitamin K is fat soluble and this is a bad scene and then I was gratefully too sick to eat for the next 8 hours and when I did eat a beautiful homemade ramen I puked it all up and a tiny morsel of watermelon was atop, a pink gem shining up at me.
This sounds so much worse writing it all out?
I am in recovery and at that time I was still using one of my favorite and mildest of the substances in my vault, cannabis. I am now 6 years sober from everything and this is the first time I have done a fast over three days. Three day fast have not been challenging at all for me to return to food and have not activated any binging. However, my body dropped a lot of weight in these six days (tomorrow is 7, proactivity-wink-) I am visiting family and there’s a ton of delicious food in the house. Some of which I made for family members while I was fasting and will you believe it they did not love my Virginia peanut soup? So I have this reasonable and irrational voice suggesting to me that I need to eat things before they go bad.
My best advice to myself is to stay busy and out of the house. Eat something planned and then go and do something.
And try to keep that up for a few days.

Does anyone else have anything to offer me in this journey of refeeding my wonderous body? Thank you!