tired of my life.
tired of my mom and dad not allowing me to go outside just because of the marks i get. literally everyone i know is enjoying their life whether they got into a college or not. amma always tells about how lucky i am considering my friends but i dont think that is true, just because my family doesnt have any family & financial doesn't mean that i am that lucky. i am not lucky enough to go outside and enjoy while everyone i know is enjoying even some when some have family & financial issues.
i had 90% on 10th and my family was really proud that time, just before the boards only i had studied and i had really low marks on my pre-boards etc and when my family found out that i had i failed in my pre-boards they were mad. only because i had scored 90% in 10th my family started treating me better and i took comp-maths on my +1,+2 and i had scored <80% on +2 cbse (which is low) my family lost hope on me and they dont even mind me nowadays.
i joined an entrance coaching institution for jee repeat and i am scoring avg there also. i get around 150/300 and my family aint happy about that either. and my all my family ever say to me is to study all the time. they dont even care anything about me apart from telling me to study.
now i am currently in a state that I don't have a will to live in. I don't even have a purpose nowadays. all i do is go to class in the morning and reach home in the evening and study sometime later and the same cycle is repeating for a long time. i wish i was dead (not trying to be corny) but I don't have the courage to die either.