u/_Bazingaaa

So, I feel like I'm stuck for a long time. I still keep going but I feel like I am surviving. Like I am busy surviving everything. Most of the time I am not really present anywhere mentally. I'm just in my head. And I keep having some kind of physical health issues every now and then. like stomach ache and weakness, etc.

I keep thinking of quitting my job but I am just too scared to do anything. I see people achieving things and not so worried about things but I am just busy making sure nothing goes wrong. I am scared that if I quit my job then I will have to stay at home and it will worsen my mental health even more. With job, at least I have to interact with people and pretend and I think it keeps me from falling apart. but I don't know how long I can keep going like this. like I keep waiting for time to pass. Keep waiting for Sundays.

Maybe I should just quit and find another job, but I feel like I don't want to do any job. Any job like this. because it's so repetitive. Like I am not learning anything new at this job. It's just asking AI to write code. And nobody cares about quality of code as long as it's working. like nobody is deeply interested in what they are doing. of course, it still requires some mental effort, but I feel like I am wasting my time just to earn some money (which is not much). I find this so meaningless. I want to go for higher studies and prepare for the entrance exam of it. I want to get out of my hometown and higher studies can provide me a way to do that (it's not the only reason though. I mean I like the field of study as well) but I am just scared of being at home for preparation because from my experience my mental health just gets worse when I am at home. I guess it's because if I am at home, there is so little human interaction and it feels so lonely and like nobody is there to check on me. So, quitting doesn't seem like a viable option but then I keep thinking about it. I keep returning to it.

I still learn things that I love but there is so little time for it after full time job and it feels like I am working all the time. like my mind can't relax for a bit. like it's racing all the time. and then my physical health worsens and I have to rest.

Everything is so tiring sometimes. I don't know what should I do.

So, I feel like I'm stuck for a long time. I still keep going but I feel like I am surviving. Like I am busy surviving everything. Most of the time I am not really present anywhere mentally. I'm just in my head. And I keep having some kind of physical health issues every now and then. like stomach ache and weakness, etc.

I keep thinking of quitting my job but I am just too scared to do anything. I see people achieving things and not so worried about things but I am just busy making sure nothing goes wrong. I am scared that if I quit my job then I will have to stay at home and it will worsen my mental health even more. With job, at least I have to interact with people and pretend and I think it keeps me from falling apart. but I don't know how long I can keep going like this. like I keep waiting for time to pass. Keep waiting for Sundays.

Maybe I should just quit and find another job, but I feel like I don't want to do any job. Any job like this. because it's so repetitive. Like I am not learning anything new at this job. It's just asking AI to write code. And nobody cares about quality of code as long as it's working. like nobody is deeply interested in what they are doing. of course, it still requires some mental effort, but I feel like I am wasting my time just to earn some money (which is not much). I find this so meaningless. I want to go for higher studies and prepare for the entrance exam of it. I want to get out of my hometown and higher studies can provide me a way to do that (it's not the only reason though. I mean I like the field of study as well) but I am just scared of being at home for preparation because from my experience my mental health just gets worse when I am at home. I guess it's because if I am at home, there is so little human interaction and it feels so lonely and like nobody is there to check on me. So, quitting doesn't seem like a viable option but then I keep thinking about it. I keep returning to it.

I still learn things that I love but there is so little time for it after full time job and it feels like I am working all the time. like my mind can't relax for a bit. like it's racing all the time. and then my physical health worsens and I have to rest.

Everything is so tiring sometimes. I don't know what should I do.